Fires of War (War and Deceit #4) - Erin O'Kane Page 0,147

back and smile, meeting each of my mates’ eyes, memorising their faces in case this is the last time I’ll see them. “You’ll find me, you always do.” After repeating the words Vaeril said to me earlier today, I turn and step away from them and towards the girl. Eldrin growls and goes to move towards me, but I hold my hand up and shake my head. I don’t say anything else out loud, but via our bond, pouring my feelings for them through the connection. How they have brightened my whole life, that my existence didn’t have meaning before I met them, and how they have helped me grow into who I am today. That I love them with every fiber of my being, and somehow, we will find a way to be together again.

I keep walking backwards as I bestow my love and gratitude to them, needing to keep them safe. I know they’ll try to rescue me, but I need to keep them safe from the queen if I can. When I reach the little girl’s side, the forsaken filling the square move, forming a wall, separating them from me. I have to turn away, not able to view the pained expression on Eldrin’s face any longer.

“Okay, I’m ready,” I tell the girl, my voice breaking.

She doesn’t say anything, just simply starts walking towards the forest. Taking a deep breath, I follow her. I just reach the treeline when a blast of magic rolls over me, and Grayson’s pained bellow tells me he’s lost the battle and fallen into euisa. That’s when I lose my own battle and the tears finally began rolling down my cheeks.

The tears have dried on my face, and my somber mask is back in place by the time we are deep in the forest. I allowed myself a few moments of weakness, but now I need to be strong.

The queen needn’t have sent the girl, since the darkness calling to me is enough to lead me to her without an escort. She sent her to be cruel, choosing someone she knew would cause the most pain.

We walk in silence, but I extend my awareness, connecting to the forest, and I’m shocked by what I find. It’s angry, no, not just angry, it’s furious. The dark magic has been feeding off it for too long, killing both it and the denizens that make their homes there. The forest is excited I’m here, wanting to lend me its strength to help rid it of the intruders who are destroying it. I feel a surge of energy and look down to see a trail of wildflowers and plants in my wake. Eyes wide, I glance up to see if the girl has noticed, but she’s still staring straight ahead.

Not now, I think, trying to portray how grateful I am in my urgency. Later, when I will need you the most, I plead, praying it understands me. If the queen doesn’t know I have the forest on my side, then I’ll have an advantage. I can sense how much it wants its revenge, but I may still be able to save these forsaken. I still remember at the fight back in the mountains where I was almost able to push the queen from the body of one of the forsaken, and for a moment, he seemed to come back to himself. We always believed the forsaken were dead, but now I’m wondering if I can save them. Guilt plagues me. We’ve killed so many of them to get to this point, but I had to protect myself if I am to save anyone.

I try not to think as we walk and keep my mind focused on the task ahead, but it’s impossible. My mind starts to play tricks on me, thinking of all of the awful things the queen has planned for me, playing all of my doubts and faults over and over. That without my mates, I am nothing, simply a weak half-elf with no redeeming features. The goddess chose me by mistake. I’m an ex-slave, good for nothing but manual labour. What did I think I was doing, leading an army against someone like the queen? I would be lucky if she grants me a quick, painless death.

Beloved, guard your thoughts, the Mother whispers into my mind urgently, my wrist flashing brightly. These are not your own.

Stumbling to a halt, I realise she’s right. Darkness taints my thoughts and attempts to wrap around my