knows, but unfortunately, you can’t ask her about this right now.”
He ran his hand down the side of his bearded face and blinked a few times as the flames led him into a fiery daydream.
“Being a parent is a hard job, baby. It is. But I couldn’t imagine my life without my son. He’s everything to me. I busted my ass so Aiden would never have to worry where his next meal was comin’ from. My ex-wife at the time was between jobs and in school. I picked up the slack. I opened my bike shop, worked hard, way over forty hours most weeks, burnt the midnight oil and sometimes, I’d have him right there with me. I’d turn on some cartoons on the big television I had mounted on the wall, have all of his baby food and bottles ready to go.” He smiled at the memory. “And in between working on a bike, being a chopper salesman and answering that phone, making appointments and all, I’d take care of my boy, Lauren. Nothing in this world would’ve stopped me. My mother worked her fingers to the bone, but how much of that burden did she truly have to carry? I don’t know if she was trying to be a martyr now or what. But what I do know is that I don’t want to see her right now, at least till I get my head around this.”
When the words tumbled out of his mouth, things became so clear. For the past hour, he’d had no idea how he felt. Or perhaps he did, but feeling hurt also felt like defeat, and he simply couldn’t stomach it.
“But baby, she had you at your grandmother’s home a lot while she worked, and she made sure that—”
“You think that’s a good substitute for a decent home to live in and food on the table? If I had to rob, steal or kill, my son would’ve been provided for, ya hear me? And I mean that. Morals be gone, that boy would be eating come hell or high water. And if Aiden’s mother gave birth to him, dropped him off in my hands and hightailed it outta here, which she pretty much did give or take, but offered to send me money on the way out the door, you bet your ass I’d be taking every damn dime. Kids are expensive. Something is always going. An illness, stuff they want, birthdays, Christmas, a field trip at school, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, all these damn clothes ’nd shoes that they grow out of in two minutes. And don’t let them have a lavish hobby or get into a sport that cost a shitload for equipment.”
“You sound like a lot of my friends with children.”
“Because it’s the same song, just with a different beat. As a parent, you wanna encourage your kid to reach for the stars but that reach isn’t free. In order to get something, you got to give something, and all my mother did in this situation was take away my choice.”
“Aries, pride can do that. I’m not making excuses, all right? I know it may sound like I am, but I’m not. I am just trying to give a possible alternative, a different perspective, as a woman. You have the right to feel exactly as you do. All I am saying is that sometimes we have to focus on the motive, versus the ending, the result.”
“Motives don’t pay bills. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about a motive. And pride? Teach a lesson? For what? Benjamin didn’t learn jack from that sanctimonious shit she did. That was for her. Not me. I loved being with my grandmother. There was always plenty of food and I didn’t have a care in the world when I was out there. I shouldn’t have wanted to be with my grandmother more though, Lauren. The reason wasn’t because I hated my mother or thought she was a terrible person, nothing like that. She didn’t abuse me or treat me bad at all. She was a good mother, actually. The issue was I didn’t have anything, things that I needed, on a consistent basis. She tried to do it on her own, and I applaud her for that, but we struggled in ways you couldn’t even imagine. My mother barely kept any groceries because she didn’t make much money. My grandmother was poor, too, but she’d offer to help. Still, my mother only allowed me to