lights from faraway houses create streaks against the shadows of the dark trees. The sound of wind scorches my ears like white noise as my heart begins beating out of my chest.
My senses are overwhelmed.
Suddenly, I feel scared, exposed, as if I might unravel and be sucked into the night sky. My hands shoot to the windshield, and I yell down, “Grey. Slow down. It’s too fast.”
It all feels too fast, too much. I want it to stop. I need it to stop.
“Grey!” I scream, looking down at his profile, but he doesn’t slow.
“Be someone Death fears, Donovan. Let go!”
His voice thunders, pushing through the wind and grabbing a hold of me. My eyes are lost in the darkness, too afraid to take the risk. Afraid to let go and feel it all. His fingers grip my hip, but not in a protective way. More like a slap to the face.
It’s a challenge. Grey won’t let me back down. Not now, not ever. Especially to myself. This is who he’s always been for me. A mirror. My face shoots to his, unsure and scared. But Grey looks taunting as his gaze shoots back and forth between me and the road, waiting for me to act.
I can feel the urgency in his body, willing me to accept. I can hear him in my head. “Feel it, Donovan. Let it all go.”
Grey’s someone who even Death would fear. And for tonight, I want that kind of freedom. That power. I want to let go and live. I nod my agreement slowly, unable to speak the words. He takes his hand off my hip and places it over mine, smiling big. Pulling it from the windshield, he extends my arm back out. His face is lit up with pride as I let go of my other hand, opening my arms again. A smile is plastered on my face, while my chest rises and falls from the adrenaline.
But this time, I don’t let it best me. Instead, I let it run through my veins, tipping my head back and howling at the moon.
The horn sounds, joining my irreverence, as we speed down the road until his car begins to slow. My hair whips around my face, and goose bumps run up my arms. Tingles from leftover excitement accompany them, making their way down my spine as I slide back down into my seat and look at Grey’s face.
“Wow. That was…”
Everything I needed.
He stops in the middle of the road, reaching for my face, his thumb wiping the wetness from my cheeks.
“Are you crying?”
Yes. But for once, it’s because I’m happy.
“No,” I lie. “My eyes are watering from the wind.”
He looks at me like he knows better but brings his thumb to his lips, licking off my tears, before pressing the gas and turning into the gravel driveway of Liam’s family’s lake house. A house I know very well, since the three of us spent a lot of our summers here. My eyes close to steady myself as the car slows to a stop. I can feel Grey turn to look at me, but when I open my eyes, he seems agitated or angry. I can’t tell which.
“What’s wrong?”
He grabs the sides of my face roughly and pulls me close to him, so our foreheads touch, as his breath comes out harshly.
“The only reason I’m not kissing you right now is because if I do—” His breath is ragged as he waits, before speaking again. “Promise me when it’s time to tell all your secrets that I’m the first person you tell. I want to carry them with you, protect you from them, destroy anyone who knows them.”
“Grey.” Holy shit.
“It’s what best friends do.”
My hands close over his, and I want to say, “That’s the first lie you’ve ever told me.” Because I felt it too. I feel it too—the connection and draw to one another. He means what he says as more than friends.
Our names are called from the front door, and the moment is broken. I push his hands away and stare at him, trying to figure out what to say. But there’s nothing to say. The longer the silence stretches, the more he reels himself in, line by line, until he’s closed off and protected.
We get out of the car silently and make our way inside, without touching, glancing at each other over and over. It’s the first time Grey hasn’t put his arm around me or held my hand. But after