do because, with my glasses firmly in place, I spot them off in the distance, all jogging in a single-file line.
Shirts off.
Hello, crew.
A row of slender wood boats lines the bank of the river, all flipped upside down, showing off painted colored stripes on the light-colored frames. God, it brings back so many memories. Grey was so into this when we were young. So much so that every single birthday, I bought him a wooden boat that we would take to Central Park and sail until it eventually sunk.
Shrugging out of one side of my blazer, I plop my bag down under a big tree and pull my other arm out. My fingers find my tie while I stay trapped in the memory and tug it back and forth to make it even looser than it already was before lifting it over my head, taking my hair with it, and toss it on top of my bag.
The team makes their way to the dock where their boat bobs in the water gently, each wave causing tiny little stars on the water from the reflection of the sun.
I brush away a few leaves that have begun to fall and lay my jacket out, settling down on top of it. Stretching my legs out in front of me, I relax back onto my hands, appreciating the wicked picture. Guys grab water bottles and shake their sweaty heads, making the grin on my face grow.
It’s a glistening shirtless tableau.
Damn. It’s the wettest of dreams come true. The coach’s voice echoes against the nature surrounding us, his words too far away for me to hear but commanding the attention of the crew.
Except for Grey. He’s staring at me. I can see the intention behind his eyes, even from here. Same maniacally plotting Grey. Even when we were kids, he gave me butterflies when he put his sights on something. He was so intensely determined. The difference is now I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end.
Despite the flirtations, the last few days have been effortless; we’ve fallen right back into our friendship. With the exception of the Caroline issue, life is heading in the direction of pretty damn perfect.
I sweep my fingers back and forth over my bangs to free them from under my glasses, still staring at the boys. Grey’s still looking at me, piercing me with his stare, but this time, questions are forming. I can tell by the crease of his brow. It’s a matter of time until I’ll have to come clean, I know that, but I want more time before seeing the disappointment on their faces.
They won’t judge me, I’m sure of it, but they’ll feel sorry for me and that’s worse. Telling Grey and Liam about the shit I landed in over the last few years makes it that much more real. And I could use a break from that.
Changing my life is a priority for me, but the minute I got back, I stepped into a version of myself that I missed, that I desperately wanted back. I don’t want to give that up, and sometimes, it’s harder to be myself when I’m surrounded by my past. Once it catches up, I don’t get to be flirtatious Donovan or silly Donovan. Everything I do will carry more weight, more consequence. I’m not ready. So, I’m going to let them block that out for just a little bit longer.
Grey’s hand rubs down his neck and over the hard planes of his chest, as my bottom lip releases from between my teeth, surprising me, considering I didn’t know I was biting it. I give a tiny wave, but he doesn’t reciprocate. As if Liam can hear Grey’s thoughts, his head turns and locks on me as well.
They’re such a stark contrast of each other but perfectly paired. One dark and broody, the other light and charming. Both my favorite people. Even after all this time, I feel the same way—well, almost the same. I can’t help but be attracted to both of them, but their friendship means enough to me that I won’t cross that line, no matter how much I want to. And I’ll keep saying that to myself until I believe it.
Liam leans in toward Grey, saying something into his ear, and goose bumps spread over my legs before they both turn their attention away.
They’re talking about me. I’d give a hundred million pennies for that thought.