Filthy (Five Points' Mob Collection #1) - Serena Akeroyd Page 0,167

blew out a breath. “I don’t want forgiveness because I don’t deserve it but I want you to look at me like you did before.”

“Look, Aidan—”

He held up a hand. “Not just me, but Lena too.”

“How can I? I’m a dirty fucking secret,” I snarled.

“You were never a dirty secret, Finn.” Lena’s soft voice startled me—she never entered Aidan’s office. Not without knocking first.

“Wasn’t I?” I snapped, turning around to glower at her. “You went on a fucking rampage because of Aidan’s secrets, and that means I’m going to have to lie to my wife for the rest of my life.”

She flinched but took a step into the office. “That’s on me, not you. I wish I could go back, Finn. I do. I wish, every damn day, that I’d been concentrating more. That—” A harsh breath escaped her. “It will weigh on my conscience for the rest of my life. Sometimes, the fact that Aidan covered it up is more than I can stand.”

“Boo fucking hoo,” I snapped, aware that Aidan tensed at that but I didn’t care, Lena hadn’t driven into a damn fire hydrant. “My wife is without a mother because of you.”

“And I’m going to go out of my way to be the mother she needs, even if I know I’ll never replace hers.”

My jaw turned to stone at that—couldn’t she see that wasn’t enough?

I shook my head, words escaping me as I tried and failed to process how fucked up this was. Was it any wonder I preferred to deal with business rather than this? Speaking of this shit just gave me heartburn and later on, when I was with Aoife, I felt like such a fucking piece of crap because I was lying to her.

Endlessly fucking lying.

“I know it’s not enough,” Lena whispered, then she raised her hand and rubbed tiredly at her face—I saw there were tear tracks down her cheeks, and knew she’d been crying quietly. “Every time I look at her, I’m aware of what I did, but I know this is God’s way of punishing me, making sure I don’t forget what I did. She’s my penance, and I’ll do what I must to make sure that she’s not only safe but that your children are too.”

“And what about the fact that I’m Aidan’s son, Lena? That has to be gnawing at you?”

“No. You’re mine,” she snapped, and her tone was so ferocious that I almost took a step back. She pushed forward into my space, her finger prostrate as she prodded me in the chest. “She gave birth to you, but you’re mine. I’m the one who made you better. I’m the one who fixed what she broke. You’re mine, Finn.”

My jaw clenched because I’d always fucking wished she was my mom. When I was little, when I’d come over and stayed with the boys after school, she’d bustled around us like a fly, feeding us, patting our shoulders, encouraging us as we groaned about homework. When Gerry had started on me, I’d wanted, so fucking badly, to tell her, and only knowing it would upset her had stopped me.

Yeah. Nuts.

I’d known she would believe me. Had known it implicitly. I’d never, I realized, had any fear that Aidan or Lena would doubt my word. Gerry had told me as he tormented me that nobody would believe me because I was scum, but I’d known they would, and I hadn’t said a fucking word out of pride. It had been easier to run, easier to get away—until my brothers had come for me.

A shudder washed through me and before I knew it, Lena had slipped her arms around my waist, and she was tugging me close. “I love you, Finn. I can never make up for what I did to Aoife, I know that. But I’ll love her like I love you.”

She was so short, so small, but packed as much of a punch as Aoife did. She squeezed me so damn tight it almost hurt, and she did so until I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the crown of her head.

I jolted when Aidan slapped me on the back and half-hugged me too. “Son, I’ll tell the boys soon.”

I was like a fucking woman with these goddamn mood swings, I knew, but I said, “No. We’ll figure out when to tell them. Together.”

We looked at each other, then nodded, and that was that.

***

Aoife

“What’s wrong?”

I winced because I couldn’t exactly tell Jenny that I was missing a