in a headlock from behind, kissing the top of my head. “Where’s Killer?”
I don’t know. “With Jack.”
Blake moves to the living room, and I overhear him exchanging a greeting with my old best friend possibly ex-boyfriend. For the first time since I saw those two pink lines, I feel something like pain slicing through my heart and sucking the air from my lungs.
“…still think you’re an idiot to pass that up.” Blake crosses to the refrigerator with Jack in his arms. “One year and you’d be a UFL champ.”
I blink and focus on Blake just as Killian drops into the stool next to me.
Blake hands my brother a Go-Gurt and sets him down. “Cam explained what Bates would be doing today at the meeting. Had Rex practically jumping on the balls of his feet to get over there.”
“Over where?” The question flies from my lips with a tinge of irritation attached to it because it seems like they’re talking about something important and yet it’s the first I’ve ever heard of it.
“You didn’t tell her?” Blake’s eyes are focused on Killian.
He shrugs. “Why would I?”
“Oh fuck, man, I don’t know, maybe because she’d talk some sense into your dumb ass.”
I swivel around and take in Killian, who has his chin dropped to his chest. “What’s he talking about?” I whisper.
He licks his lips, lifts his head, but still doesn’t look at me. “It’s nothing.”
“Nothing?” Blake’s arms tense at his sides. “How can you say it’s nothing? I mean, ’cause fuck me, I thought you wanted to be a UFL fighter.”
“Blake, I do, but—”
“So you pass up the opportunity to fight in London for one year and get a shot at a title fight representing your fucking country?”
“What? When did this happen?” Excitement, pride, and devastation war within, and it’s fucked-up combination leaves me dizzy. “You had a chance for all that and you said no?”
He runs two hands over his face and groans. “No, it wasn’t like that.”
Blake makes a disgusted sound, and I lean in to Killian. “Cross your heart, remember?”
He sighs hard, and then for the first time since this morning, his eyes meet mine. “Yes. Okay? I had the opportunity, but I turned it down. Happy?”
“No, fuck…” I shake my head. “No, I’m not happy. Killian, you should go.”
“I knew you’d say that,” he mumbles.
“Because you know it’s the right thing to do.”
“I don’t want to—”
“Why not!”
“Because—”
“Because why?”
“Because of you, alright?”
I jerk away from him with a gasp.
His gaze slides between me and a stunned-looking Blake. “I don’t want to leave you, Ax.”
I open my mouth to either scream at him for being an idiot or to confess my undying love. I’m not sure, so I shut my mouth and stare.
He tilts his head, only looking at me from the corner of his eye. “A year away, anything could’ve happened, and”—he sighs—“I didn’t want to miss my chance.”
Blake’s standing back, eyes narrowed on Killian when the front door opens and my mom’s hollered “I’m home!” comes filtering into the kitchen.
I duck my chin as frustration bubbles to the surface. Killian never should’ve made this decision based on me. Guilt settles heavily over my shoulders and I slump into myself. As if I don’t have enough to feel like shit about, now I can pat myself on the back for ruining the career of the man I love, who, now that I’m fucking pregnant with another man’s baby, I’ve already lost anyway.
“Hey, guys.” My mom moves through the kitchen with a squirming Jack in her arms. She must sense the tension because she sidles up to Blake. “What’s going on?”
Jack manages to squirm free and toddle back to his toys in the living room.
Blake slings his arm around mom’s shoulder and pulls her in for a hug. “Nothing, Mouse. It’s all good.” He goes on to ask her how her appointment was, compliments her on her hair, and small talks her to distraction.
The air between Killian and me strains with what needs to be said. My mind tumbles in a thousand different directions, and not one of them leads me to a happy ending.
I’ve disappointed every single person I love, and they don’t even know it yet. I’ve signed away the rest of my life by getting pregnant, and I’ll have to face Clifford, that asshole, and beg him to be part of our baby’s life.
And my mom…fuck. She’ll be crushed. My entire life she warned me against making the same mistakes she did. She swore I was