I hang up and shove the phone in my purse. The sun is out and warms my shoulders as I pass by shops and restaurants, running my gaze along it all but not seeing what’s in front of me. Instead, my friendship with Killian plays like old home movies behind my eyes.
“Hey…” The kid pushes his shaggy brown hair off his forehead. “I’m Killian.”
I’m sweating, holding my hair off my neck, and panting to catch my breath after the string of curse words I just spewed here in the high-school parking lot. “Elle.”
He pushes his black-rimmed glasses up his nose and studies the broken down Bronco piece of crap. “I don’t mean to be presumptuous. You seem like a capable female, but I can’t help but notice your Millennium Falcon seems to be on the fritz.”
“My what?”
“Star Wars humor.” A blush colors his cheeks and he grins. “Do you need some help?”
I chuckle. I can’t help it. The guy is adorable. “Yeah, I could use a ride.”
“Sure.” His eyes, the color of iced tea, fix on mine. “I can do that.”
I trusted him immediately, and not one time did he ever give me a reason not to. He was the safest boy I ever knew. Even scrawny with his thick-rimmed glasses, I knew he’d do everything in his power to keep me safe. He guarded me and my heart with all the ferocity of a fearless warrior.
The group of guys I recognize from school surround the table Killian and I are sitting at. They’re holding up their phones, laughing, just like they have been from the moment I walked in the coffee shop.
Killian’s been growing tenser, and now that we’re surrounded, his hands are balled into fists, and he’s staring down at his coffee in front of him.
“Elle, right?” The biggest guy gets so close I lean away to keep him from touching me. “You’re new.”
“Yeah.”
Killian looks up at me from beneath his eyelids.
“I was wondering…” His friends at his back all choke on their laughter. “You wanna go out with me?”
“Oh, um…” Usually I’d be flattered that the most popular guy in school asked me out, but the way he’s snorting on his withheld amusement proves this isn’t a genuine invite.
“Back off, Watkins.”
My eyes flick to Killian at the threatening tone of his voice.
The kid, Watkins, ignores Killian’s command. “I just figured…” He turns the phone screen to me, and there in full color is a photo of my mom. Topless.
I gasp and my cheeks flame.
He grins. “If your mom’s this quick to get naked, my guess is you are too.”
The guys all dissolve into a fit of giggles, and like a flash, Killian is up. He tackles the dude who’s twice his size to the ground.
I swing into a bakery and grab a muffin and a water then search for a place to sit. I spot a table across the way that’s half shade and half sun. A shaky smile breaks across my face as I imagine what Kill would say to me if he were here.
“You’re so weird.”
“Newsflash. You’re not exactly perfect either, buddy.”
“Guess that makes us the perfect pair.”
I’d love it when he’d say that because that’s all I ever wanted to be. His perfect match. But then my life would come crashing down around me, reminding me of my insecurities. How could someone like Killian, someone so good and pure, stay with someone like me? I’d chase him off eventually.
Killian steps close, towering over me. “What do you mean Trip’s not calling you back?”
My neck flushes with embarrassment. “It’s no big deal.” I shrug and act unaffected. “He’s probably just busy.”
“How many times have you tried to get in touch with him?”
“Not many. Maybe five.” Fifteen. Eight texts, four phone calls, three emails.
“Five times and he hasn’t gotten back to you?” Killian spits the words through clenched teeth.
I hate it when he looks at me like I’m one of those puppies from that commercial about abused pets with the music that always makes me cry. “It’s okay, Kill. I’ve gone twenty years without him. What’s a few more?”
What’s a few more…?
Killian’s about to leave for five years, and I’m sitting here doing nothing to stop him. I preach that I want to have more control over my life, that I want to take my fate into my own hands, and here I’m reminiscing about my feelings for Killian while at the same time