As I stood up, relieved that her stomach seemed to have finally calmed—she'd thrown up twice on the way home and five times since we got back—she tilted her head back on her pillow.
“Where's Sera?”
“She had to take the day off.”
Her forehead scrunched. “Why?”
“I don't know.”
Disappointed, she relaxed back against the pillow. Cartoon ponies quietly flickered across the television on the wall as I ruffled her hair and made my way back to the kitchen. Bethany had come from the Frolicking Moose with various drinks and home remedies after I desperately texted her for help. My thumb hovered over Serafina's name on my text message list, but skimmed past.
Hernandez. Her brother. It all ran through my head.
No, she had her own life. Just because I felt so deeply about her so quickly didn't mean she had to be available at my every beck and call. Besides, this very situation proved out a deep-rooted fear that haunted me ever since she first popped up: I couldn't be fair to her. I would be the Sadie in our relationship. The pull, pull, pull. The unfair drain on energy and resources. I wanted to help Serafina right now, but I couldn't. Ava had to come first.
Ava always came first.
Maybe this was a good experience. A reminder of the responsibilities in my life and where they fit before we dove too far into whatever magic had started to bloom. A shiver skimmed my body when I thought of Serafina's kiss.
I packed a few sippy cups with different drinks, grabbed a package of crackers, and set it all within arms reach of Ava. She had her arms around a ragged stuffed giraffe that she slept with every night and her eyes glued to the screen. While I collapsed onto the couch next to her, my thoughts spun to work. The new trainee. The paperwork for Stella to finalize some accounting.
Sadie.
Serafina.
Sadie.
Maverick's annoyance haunted me. You're avoiding your problems by staying at work. That didn't sit well. Maybe because it could be true. Not that it was, but it could be. Certainly, I avoided coming home because I hated this empty house with so many responsibilities. And today, I was not in the mood to figure out just how deep that went. Not with the heaping elephant of Sadie fat on my mind.
Instead, I put my hand on my daughter's leg. She glanced at me, then back to the screen. Just when I thought her contempt for me couldn't have gotten any worse, and Sadie's wishes for a damaged relationship between me and Ava would actualize, Ava shuffled. Seconds later, a bright purple pillow landed in my lap. Ava sprawled on top of it, giraffe in her arms, and whispered, “Will you play with my hair, daddy? It makes me feel better.”
“You bet,” I said.
And somewhere, deep in my chest, my hidden heart finally cracked. Maybe she didn't hate me.
Maybe the two of us could do this.
22
Serafina
The slow plod of Talmage's heartbeat rang in my ears as I sat next to his gurney, my head in my hands.
Nurses quietly bustled in and out as they administered fluids and medications meant to counteract whatever drugs they suspected he'd taken in. They'd already drawn labs, saying words like toxicology and electrolytes and I numbly relayed all the verbiage to my Dad over text. Mom would show up tonight after a red-eye flight into Jackson City, where the hospital awaited.
Talmage was conscious now, but his eyes were closed. Misery was etched onto his features. We hadn't spoken. There wasn't much to say. Amber hovered in my mind's eye, and I wondered what hole she'd skulked to while my brother lay dying. Had she thrown the shattered glass? Had he?
In the calm, my mind replayed through each moment again and again. Jayson's heroic actions and reassurance. The chatter of dispatch with updates. The sirens as they twirled down the road from the local volunteer fire department. I'd splattered myself against the wall to stay out of the way and prayed Talmage would wake back up. He woke up once they administered some medication all right, nearly a violent mess.
Then I rode in the ambulance with the volunteer driver and EMT all the way up the canyon, spitting out as much knowledge as I had about my brother for their paperwork. Then I said it all again in the ER.
And, in the back of my mind, I still thought of Amber.