really home yet, was it? Benjamin's house rose through my mind. I pictured myself curling up on his couch, a blanket around me, and falling asleep without rib pain. Benjamin in the kitchen, or mowing the lawn, with Ava singing a dramatic cartoon song at the top of her voice.
Then I shoved that away.
Nope.
Wasn't home. But maybe I wanted it to be.
But why wouldn't it be? my traitorous heart whispered. Even if my mind refused to acknowledge it, my heart had seen the fire in Benjamin's eyes when he saw Talmage. Heard the coiled threat in his voice as he stared my brother down. My heart was the one that wanted to curl up inside Benjamin and never leave. Today's protective display only made it worse.
My declaration to stay distant and friendly felt pathetic against the waves of adoration and affection that crashed on me now.
Part of me hated seeing Benjamin react that way to my brother, even with justifiable cause. Hated to see Talmage reduced to the miserable state he was currently in. Hated the way I tried hard not to watch Talmage carefully. Remembered the rage that flashed in his gaze. The sound of his shouts. His hands shook as he sat at the table now. One of them was on the table in a fist so tight his knuckles had turned white.
They were two different men, Mr. Hyde Talmage and my brother. The one here at the restaurant was pale, a shadow of the old Talmage. The skin slightly sallow. When someone spoke unexpectedly, he twitched. But he tried hard. When my parents picked me up after I'd checked out of the hotel, they had all my stuff from his house in their trunk. I silently appreciated not having to go back there. Talmage was sitting in the front with dad when I carefully maneuvered into the back.
He laid eyes on me and said, “Sera, I'm so sorry.”
I'd nodded and said, “Let's get you better.”
The stoic tears in his eyes had faded into silence while Mom and Dad picked up the chatter, and now we sat here in the slightly awkward booth and tried to act like everything was going to be all right. That was fine. I didn't want to harp on Talmage. Didn't want to shame him. Poke him. Prod him. At some point, we all had to move forward into something better.
But would it?
My parents were trying to help Talmage with his obvious pain medication addiction, but it had to be beyond that. His shady girlfriend, and the way he screamed at me, spoke to something else. Amber had brought more into his life than just pain meds. I had few doubts that Talmage had moved into different reprieves. This was so much bigger.
No, Talmage was moving into a different sphere. For some reason, I didn't think my parents saw that fully yet.
Maybe they didn't want to.
With those heavy thoughts, the waitress appeared with our pie. Dad dove in with gusto, and I poked at the piece of triple berry with ice cream that Mom and I had decided to share. She put on a good face, but only half of the pie ended up getting eaten and only one bite was mine. Talmage wolfed a piece of apple down, and said little.
Once back in the car, and while Mom and Dad chattered in the background, I stared at the canyon walls as he headed back to little Pineville.
I thought only of Benjamin and Ava.
Mom let out a long breath the next afternoon, then clapped her hands together. A little bit of packing dust cleared from her fingers and floated in the air before it slipped out the open window.
“It's lovely,” she declared. “Empty, but . . . lovely.”
I silently disagreed. The loft was open, spacious, and filled with sunshine. Sure, there wasn't much in the way of furniture. A simple twin bed, woven laundry basket, and closet where all my clothes hung, hidden by a gauzy drape. One couch filled up the center of the room, where a second-hand flatscreen was propped near the far wall. In between both of those was a braided rug I hadn't been able to turn down.
For six months, it would be just right.
Mom closed the fridge, now freshly stocked from her own credit card with my favorite foods. She'd meal prepped four different dinners for me and stashed them in the fridge, then organized my food pantry by color, size, and shape. She'd also purchased a large