Fight Like You've Never Lost (Summer Lake #14) - S.J. McCoy Page 0,39

was in for the long haul. He loved this life. It was a change from the military, but a good change as far as he was concerned. “Give it to me straight, boss?”

“I thought I just did. If you’re going to want to get married and settle down, you’d be better off getting out now.”

“Jesus! I’m just talking about dating, while I’m here.”

“And what about when you leave?”

Ryan didn’t answer. He wasn’t looking to complicate his life by getting into a long-term relationship. But then what did he think he was doing with Leanne? Was it fair of him to ask her to open up to him if he was going to walk away without a second thought when his time here was over?

“Seems to me you have a lot to think about.”

“Yeah.”

“So, think about it. And in the meantime, you can get your ass into the office. I want to hear what you have on Tailor.”

“Okay. I’ll be there soon.” He smiled. “I just didn’t want to wait until I got there to tell you that I hadn’t managed to stay away from Leanne.”

Callahan laughed. “You thought I didn’t know?”

Ryan had to laugh with him. “No. I wanted to let you know that I wasn’t try to hide it.”

“Wise move.”

Chapter Eleven

Present day

Ryan balled his fists at his sides. Why in hell’s name was he here? Why was he sitting in the back of a car with her—with a two-hour drive ahead of them? He was still angry at her, still resented her. But being in an enclosed space like this with her only reminded him how good it was to be close to her.

She was beautiful. Her body still drew his eyes like a magnet. He was balling his fists because they wanted to reach out and touch her. She’d had tears in her eyes when she turned to look out the window. Seeing her cry was the worst torture he’d ever endured. It’d been bad enough back in the beginning when she’d told him about her life, when she’d cried over the father who’d left when she was just a little girl. When she’d told him how her mom hadn’t coped with raising two kids by herself and had turned to drugs. How Leanne had come from school and found her dead, overdosed on the kitchen floor when she was fourteen.

No. He didn’t need to go down that road. He didn’t need to remember everything she’d shared with him about why she was the way she was. He couldn’t stay angry at her when he remembered. He couldn’t help understanding her when he remembered. And if he let himself understand her, all he wanted to do was make things right. He shifted in his seat. There was no making things right between the two of them. They were like fire and ice.

She didn’t look much like an ice queen when she turned to him. She looked sad. And that slayed him.

“I’m sorry.”

He closed his eyes. Those were two words he hadn’t expected to hear from her. He forced himself to look into her beautiful blue eyes. “I’m sorry, too, Lee.”

She held his gaze for a long moment. “What do you think, can we leave it at that? Is that enough to close the door on the past?”

He wanted to tell her that hell, no, it wasn’t. Not because they owed each other so much more than sorry, but … his heart slammed to a halt when it hit him—because he didn’t want the door to close.

She searched his face. Hers was hard again. “Just say yes, Ryan. Say that we can put a lid on it. If we do, we can do whatever Dan needs us to and just be polite strangers. Pretend it never happened.”

She was right. That would probably be the best way to navigate the situation, if he was prepared to close the door on the past. Who was he kidding? That door had slammed shut years ago.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Can you do that?”

He was struggling to even remember what she’d said.

She blew out a sigh. Apparently, taking his silence as refusal. “And I thought you were an expert at pretending things had never happened.”

Damn! There she went. She just would not let it go. How had he thought that they might be able to … that he could … He opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it. If he’d been able to make her understand that … then