Fight Like You've Never Lost (Summer Lake #14) - S.J. McCoy Page 0,37
it then? Your circumstances mean you have to stay away from me?”
He shook his head. “That’s how it should be. That’s what my boss wants. But I’m going to have to talk to him. There’s something he doesn’t understand.”
“What’s that?”
He smiled. “In the last couple days, I’ve discovered that not being able to see you has me way too distracted. I can’t think straight. I can’t focus. The only solution is to be with you.” What was he even saying? Callahan wouldn’t go for that. And even if he would, Ryan shouldn’t even want it. Even before it was a semi-formal requirement of the job, he hadn’t had a woman in his life on more than a passing basis—because he didn’t want one. But then, Leanne wasn’t like any woman he’d known before.
He looked down at her. “That’s the solution I can see. But what about you? I don’t know your reasons for, what was it you said? No strings, just sex? No attachments?”
She nodded. “I think you’ve figured me out a bit since then, though, right?”
“I think so. It’s all part of the front you put up. You only want the world to see the badass—the bitch, as you put it.” He smirked at her. “I’d never say that.”
She laughed. “No. You value your life too much.”
“Yeah. But I can see that all you’re really doing is keeping the world out. The tough girl is like a shield you use to keep the soft, sweet girl inside safe, right?”
She nodded.
“Why?”
~ ~ ~
She’d known as soon as they’d gotten into this conversation that at some point, he was going to ask her why she was the way she was. She knew he’d seen through the front. He’d done it that first time they’d had sex. She’d tried to close him out—to let him take her body, but not get to her—but he’d seen through it and he’d opened her up.
“I don’t like to be vulnerable.”
He gave her a stern look. “That’s not an answer. That’s a brush-off. No one likes to be vulnerable.”
“Sorry. I’m trying to figure out how to explain it. I’ve never had to before.”
He frowned. “I’m guessing Dan knows why. You’ve told him?”
“Yeah, but Dan’s different. Dan’s a friend. He’d never hurt me. He’d never hurt anyone.”
“I’d never hurt you, Leanne. I told you that.”
“You did. But you might anyway. Even without meaning to.”
He knew what she meant. She could see it in his eyes. She wasn’t going to say it out loud.
“So, you don’t let anyone get close? Dan’s just the exception because he’s … well, because he’s Dan?”
“Yeah. When you let people get close, they hurt you.” She met his gaze. “Even the ones who don’t intend to.”
His eyes looked stormy. His jaw set. “Who hurt you, Leanne?”
Her heart stopped beating. Was she really going to tell him? No. “Oh, just everyone I ever loved.”
“Are we talking about a boyfriend?”
“Partly. But he was just the last in a long line of people who broke my heart and taught me that I need to be tougher.”
He held her gaze for a long moment. “Your family?”
“What makes you think that?”
“When I asked you about brothers and sisters, it was obvious that subject was closed.”
“No sisters. My brother only hurt me by getting himself killed. Up until then, he was the person I was closest to in the world.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.”
He took hold of her chin and made her look into his eyes. She felt the tears well up in her own.
“Don’t hide from me. Don’t give me the polite response. I am truly sorry that you lost him.” He frowned. “That he left you—alone, right?”
She couldn’t help the sob that escaped. “Yeah. All a-freaking-lone. Poor little Leanne, huh? No one to protect her, no one to love her. Well, don’t be so sorry. I learned how to do it all for myself. I survived. And now I’m working on thriving, okay?”
His arms closed around her. He held her close to his warm hard chest and she wanted to melt into him. Wanted to believe that he was there for her and that he would be there for her—that she wasn’t on her own anymore. She let a couple of tears roll down her cheeks before she got a grip and sat up.
“Anyway. I said I’d tell you a little bit and I did. That enough for now?”
His eyes were full of concern. She could tell there were things he wanted to say—kind words, no doubt—but she didn’t want