This Fearless Girl (St. Clary's University #2) - E. M. Moore Page 0,91
me wondering if there was something else he was going to say. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m glad you and Stone got together finally.”
“Bullshit,” I counter.
“Fine. I’m working toward being okay with it. It’s one thing to know what’s going to happen, and another to have it actually happen. I’m happy for you, and I’m happy for him. Now, I’m trying to be okay with how it’ll affect me. That sounds really fucking self-centered, but I’m not sorry about it.”
The bagel pops up from the toaster behind me and I jump. I turn to butter the halves, then take a seat at the bar. Lucas follows, sitting next to me, but angling his chair my way. “I get it,” I acknowledge. “I’m not going to pretend I know what it was like to grow up like you, but I understand the effects it can have. Do you know I actually had the thought earlier that my life is better without my dad in it?”
Saying my dirty thought is like ripping off a Band-Aid. The air around us fills with tension, and I stuff my mouth with a piece of bagel just to do something.
“That’s not a bad thought,” Lucas starts, blowing out a breath. “I don’t know. Maybe you can talk to Wyatt about this since it’s a little different than my experience, but you can separate the man you love from his actions. Or the man who gave you happy times to the one who didn’t. People aren’t all good or all bad. There’s a little of everything in each of us. It’s what runs through us more that determines who we are. It’s short-sighted to think that someone is all bad. I mean, someone loved Hitler, right? He may have been the best person to his family while others wanted to murder him. Your dad was good to you in some ways, but not in others.”
“Are you comparing my father to Hitler?”
Lucas runs his hands through his shaggy hair. “I guess. Honestly, sometimes I don’t understand what comes out of my mouth, but it makes sense in my head.”
I smile. “No, I get it. I agree with you. Just because my father did some things that were unconventional doesn’t make him a terrible person. It doesn’t mean I also can’t think that maybe I am better off without him?”
It feels like the greatest betrayal to admit any of this out loud. The man I’m talking about raised me. He gave me life. He...did his best.
I think.
“No one should tell you how to feel about it,” Lucas says. “Whatever you feel is probably the right thing.”
I finish the first half of the bagel. “I’m sorry that you were hurt about me and Stone. If I can do anything to make it better...”
He shakes his head. “It’s not you guys. It’s me.”
“So, do you maybe want a heads up before Wyatt and I have sex for the first time?”
He laughs. “Do you still want to have sex with him after he threw you in the pool?”
“Let’s just say he’s lucky he’s good looking.”
Lucas laughs and shakes his head. “Wyatt doesn’t understand what to do with his emotions. He doesn’t like secrets.”
Oh shit. Of fucking course. No wonder he got so weird about me walking away earlier. “I was going to fucking tell you guys. I just didn’t want you to stop me from what I was doing. There wasn’t time to talk about it because it popped into my head, and—”
“And?” Lucas prompts.
I push my plate away with the other half of the bagel still on it and run my hands through my hair. “I don’t know. This is going to sound crazy, but what if Cole isn’t an enemy?”
Lucas searches my face. “He’s making us search for the treasure so he can have it.” His eyebrow raises.
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “It’s a thought I had. Lance brought him into this. Lance brought him to my family’s land. Lance got mixed up with him.”
“You think it’s all him?”
“Honestly, I have no fucking clue. Like you said, maybe Cole isn’t all bad. Obviously, he did some fucked-up shit. He told his guys to hurt you and Wyatt. He told Lance about Stone and me. He’s the reason why this whole engagement is taking place, but....” I shrug. “I’m just wondering if there’s more.”
Lucas moves the plate back in front of me. “There’s always more,” he tells me. “Right now, I don’t feel like we know anything.”