Fearless - Fern Michaels Page 0,36
Orlando, doing all the Disney things. It never felt right to me. I’ve had a history of panic attacks, which is an entirely different issue, but I felt isolated on the cruise and a little frightened, being out in the middle of the water like that. I didn’t know anyone, and I panicked when I let my thoughts get the best of me. I had two glasses of champagne on the first night of the cruise in my room, and one thing led to another, so I took a Xanax to calm myself.
“I know it’s dangerous to mix the two. I’m ashamed of myself. I fell asleep, spent the first night zonked out, passed out, whatever you want to call it. The next morning, I felt under the weather and spent the day pampering myself a bit. A hot bath, lots of coffee, ashamed of myself for drinking, taking the pills. So I wanted to, I guess, start over. I’d made such a mess of things the first night of the cruise. There was a dancing contest that evening I wanted to watch, so I went down to dinner early, and this man came up to my table. He said he was a fan”—no way was she going into the story of her career—“and we had dinner together.”
“I see,” Clara said.
Anna was surprised that she didn’t take notes.
“Well, then let us see what we can do to help soothe you a bit. Are you ready, or do you want to talk a little more? Clear your head?” Clara suggested.
“I think I’m ready unless you want to ask more questions,” Anna said, thinking she probably wouldn’t have the answers if she did. That’s what she was here to find out.
“I’m ready as long as you are,” Clara said. “First, let me explain exactly what we’re going to do.”
“Of course.”
“This may not matter to you, but I always tell my clients I’m a member, in good standing, of the American Psychological Association. I’ve trained extensively, and I’ve been doing this for twenty-eight years.” She paused. “So I am quite experienced at what we’re about to do. Also, you should know that not everyone can be hypnotized, or I like to use the word hypnotherapy since we’re in a therapeutic setting.”
“Meaning, I’m not onstage,” Anna stated.
“Yes, I’ll instruct you to a certain level of awareness, different from your ordinary state of consciousness. You’ll be aware of what I say and, of course, what you say. Your focus and concentration will be very heightened.”
“So no swinging a pendulum back and forth?”
“No, but I will ask you to focus on an object and close off your thoughts. We only want to work on retrieving those lost memories. So, if you’re ready, we can get started.”
Anna nodded. As soon as she was comfortable, Clara began speaking.
“Anna, I want you to relax, release all negativity. Imagine a bubble as a negative thought, and focus on it gently moving away, taking all your negative thoughts with it as it drifts away. I want you to look at this blue pen in my hand and nothing else. Focus your sight on this pen. Relax your shoulders as you continue to focus on this pen.”
Clara was soft-spoken, her words soothing. “Don’t take your eyes off the pen. You were on a cruise ship, a relaxing place to be. The water gently flows beneath the ship, the waves are relaxing, constant. We are relaxed, our bodies content to be surrounded by calming waters. It’s time for an event, and you take steps to prepare. What are those steps?”
“A bath, it overlooks the Gulf, the smell of the body wash is fragrant, my mother’s scent. I heard a sound and stepped out of the tub. I heard keys jangling, but no one was there. I wore a yellow dress, and I had a silver purse.”
“You wore the dress to dinner,” Clara coaxed in her soft voice.
Anna smiled. “The man came to my table; he was so striking, handsome. Tall and broad, a Viking,” she said.
“You spoke to him,” Clara said.
“Yes, I invited him to have dinner with me,” Anna said.
“And after dinner, you went to the dancing contest.”
“No. I changed my mind, and invited Ryan to my cabin. He made coffee, and we were on the balcony.” Anna paused. “I felt strange; he kissed me. It had been so long since I’d been kissed that way. Intense, the air around me felt electrical, a shudder went through me.” Her breath quickened. “Ryan’s