The Fate of the Muse - By Derrolyn Anderson Page 0,90

as his insecurity was, his focus and determination was impressive. Once he set his mind on a goal, he was unstoppable.

I was surprised, relieved and then inordinately pleased to learn that Amber and Ethan had never gotten very serious in their relationship. All this time I’d considered her a dangerous rival, a seductress whose appearance back on the scene threatened to lure him away from me. I’d been torturing myself, imagining their torrid love affair and feeling terribly self-conscious and inexperienced by comparison.

I’d blown everything completely out of proportion, and I laughed out loud at my stupidity. Ethan wasn’t the only one consumed by insecurity. I was finally starting to believe that our union was truly meant to be, for we obviously had more than one lesson we could learn together.

I thought of my father, and was tempted to call Afghanistan to announce the good news to him. Ethan was adamant that I wait, insisting that we tell him about our plans to marry in person when he got back to the states. He wanted a chance to make his case, to explain why we were mature enough to make the commitment, and to see how my father would react. To me, Ethan had always seemed overly concerned with getting my father’s approval, but now I could better understand why.

He didn’t need to worry; Dad always said that you should judge a person by their actions– not by what they said or anything they might have. Ethan had already proven by his deeds that he was serious. Like my father, Ethan worked hard for everything he wanted, stubbornly refusing to take the easy way out. I knew Dad would think we were too young to marry, and no doubt try and talk us into waiting, but my father would never judge Ethan by something that his mother did or didn’t do.

I wondered exactly what kind of woman would abandon both her husband and son, and could only arrive at the unpleasant conclusion that Ethan’s mother wasn’t a very nice person. She had obviously hurt him badly, and the more I got to know him the more clear it became. The wounds on his psyche were wide open, covered over with a band-aid where stitches were required.

I brought the ring to my lips. Evie had been lavishing expensive gifts on me my whole life, but nothing could compare to the sheer amount of sacrifice that went into Ethan’s heartfelt offering. I wondered what I had to offer in return. I was determined to make it even somehow, to work equally hard to be a good partner, and to help make his dreams of a tranquil future come true. I wished I could magically erase all the hurts of his past and give him the security he so obviously craved.

There was just one problem.

In trying to avoid confrontation I’d been deceptive, keeping my meetings with mermaids secret; holding back things I knew about them and myself. Sometimes I felt as though I was being torn in two, forced to lead a double life by circumstances beyond my control. I refused to give up my mermaid sisters, and a part of me resented Ethan for even wanting me to. I was conflicted, for another part of me knew that I couldn’t be happy– or even stay fully human, without him. I wanted to go on having it both ways, but the two sides always seemed to be trying to make me choose.

When I was with Ethan, I was absolutely certain it was exactly where I belonged… But late at night, when the rumbling surf called out to me, I was powerless to refuse it. The rhythmic beat of the waves crashing on the earth were made virtually irresistible by the addition of moonlight, and like any good addict, I was full of justifications for my behavior.

I sat up and stretched, dislodging Charlie, who protested vociferously. He rolled on his back, twisting his head invitingly and offering me his belly to rub. I petted him absentmindedly, closing my eyes and straining to listen for the pulse of the sea. When my phone rang I startled, picking it up to see that it was Evie calling– she must have just gotten back to the city. I hesitated, and put the phone back down; I didn’t want to talk to her today. This was a surfing day, and I’d deal with her when Olivia was gone.

I could tell there was good surf, for the ocean was