with nothingness, just like this town. I imagine one day driving straight out of here and never turning back. Not having to live with a parent who doesn’t want me or regrets having to feed me. I wish I had the strength inside myself to keep walking. But what would I do for food and shelter, how would I survive?
You little bitch. Always thinking you’re the best, the prettiest, and the smartest. You’re none of those things.
I take a step onto the road and start walking to the field, my father’s cruel words driving me farther away.
And the funny thing is, I don’t believe I am pretty or smart, so I don’t flaunt myself the way my father says I do. I’m the exact opposite. I hate being looked at, and I don’t have any funny comebacks or cool remarks. I’m nothing special and even if I thought I could be, my father has made damn sure that spark would never light to a fierce fire. I’m pretty sure my spark is broken, just like me.
Rain begins to sprinkle down over me. I lift my hands. Story of my life, everything always gets worse.
The cold distracts my thoughts, but then I lick my lips and taste the salt from my tears, not even the rain can hide my pain.
Heavy, wet pounding footsteps come from behind me and I glance over my shoulder to find Mackson running toward me. I face forward again, lowering my chin and closing my eyes tight.
Mack has heard it all before, this isn’t the first time my father has put me in my place with other people around. Embarrassed me in front of the boy I secretly crush on. Sensing Mack stop at my back, I can hear his heavy breaths along with the pounding rain on the cement road.
If it weren’t for the strange crackling energy that’s always present when I’m near him, I wouldn’t think Mack was still standing behind me. However, I know he is and I’m afraid to turn around, to see the pity in his eyes. Does he believe my father’s words? Has he already seen how worthless I am?
Someone who runs away when things get hard, just like my mother.
“Lana.”
I clench my eyes closed when I hear the sympathy in his voice. I don’t want Mackson to feel sorry for me. I don’t need to see the pain in my heart written on someone else’s face.
Pressing my lips together firmly, I shake my head. Fisting my hands, I continue to walk straight ahead. I can’t bear to turn around and see Mackson—a boy who lives on the streets, who has to steal to eat, a boy who has nothing—look at me with pity. I don’t deserve it. I have everything; a home, a brother who somewhat takes care of me, and a father who may not like me, but does feed me. I go to school and I have good clothes. I’m being selfish and I don’t want Mack to see me this way. Self-centered and wishing away what I’m sure he would kill to have.
I sense footsteps behind me. My heart begins to thump wildly. He’s following me? All of a sudden a wet, cold hand grasps my arm and I’m spun around. My eyes find Mack’s and there it is, the pain he feels for me, the pain I don’t deserve.
God, my father is right. I only ever think about myself.
“I’m fine, Mack. What are you doing out here? Go inside, I’m just being stupid.”
“Stop that,” he admonishes. “You’re not stupid. Your father is an asshole and I came out here to tell you he’s wrong. You are pretty… the most beautiful girl inside and out.” My breath whooshes out of me from his words. “I see you Lana, who you really are. You take good care of your brother and father. You cook and clean and your smile, if only you could see the people around you when you smile. The guys, your brother’s friends, all of them stare at you especially when you smile. You laugh at lame jokes and you listen, you truly listen when people talk to you. Your father is wrong about you. You’re one of a kind, not just a pretty girl, but a good person too. You’re going to get out of here and fly away, just like a dove. Because you deserve better.”
Mack peers downward at his shoes and then back up to me. He pushes his wet hair out