Fast Lane - Kristen Ashley Page 0,63

was, but I remember being in the kitchen, making bread because that was my jam then. I was making all sorts of bread and pretzels and bagels and all that kind of thing.

I wasn’t bad with the bread.

But my pretzels and bagels were terrible.

[Laughs again]

Preacher comes in, throws the magazine down and this poof of flour jumps up.

The magazine is rolled open to a page that’s taken up with one picture.

And he says, “That one, I don’t mind.”

Then he smiles at me and strolls out.

We’d made the top of the Young and Beautiful List that came out every year in Here It Is magazine.

It was a coveted spot for people who care about that sort of thing.

Preacher didn’t care about that sort of thing.

The picture they’d used of us was taken after he’d helped me out of the limo that night.

We were standing so close. I think my shoulder was in his chest. He still had a hold of my hand.

He was looking down at me, laughing.

I had my head tipped back and was looking up at him, smiling.

[Shakes head and gives a short laugh]

I have to admit, we did look good. Preacher always rocked a jacket and slacks. Then again, he rocked everything he wore.

But mostly, we looked really happy.

And totally in love.

[Off tape]

I’m sorry to have to get into this, but we’re here now and it’s urban myth that list had a curse. It would come about that nearly every couple that made the top of that list would split not long after. Starting with you and McCade. In fact, lore is that your breakup, being the huge surprise it was, was what put the curse on the list.

So, this is right before it all goes wrong.

[Stares directly]

Yes.

That was right before it all went wrong.

Jesse:

I don’t know.

[Shakes head]

It started great.

Having Lyla on tour with us.

Preach was in his element, man.

His band. His music. His fans. His woman.

He was the happiest I’d ever seen him.

I just don’t know.

I don’t know how it went so fucking wrong.

That’s a total lie.

I knew.

I knew exactly what went wrong.

All of it.

Lyla:

I try not to judge, but when people say they have no regrets, I call bullshit.

It’s impossible to live your life without regrets.

And I can sit right here and name my top three.

The first, in all that was happening with me, being so wound up in Preacher, I did not have a mind to Dave.

Second, the same with Tim.

And last, that I didn’t walk away sooner when I came to realize Preacher was lying to me.

When I went on tour with them, a full tour where it wasn’t like a vacation I was on where my man had to work, I honestly had no idea how the guys did it. I was just tagging along, they had to lay it all out there, giving it to their fans when they performed their shows, and that pace they kept…

Well…

[Pause]

It walloped me.

And we were young, but we weren’t stupid.

We knew.

No excuses, we knew.

Janis. Jimmi. Jim Morrison. John Bonham. Keith Moon.

Work hard. Play hard. Get stoned. Drink until you feel it and then drink some more, that needing to be more and more as your body gets used to it.

Hey, that’s rock ’n’ roll.

Right?

[Expression loses focus]

Wrong.

It wasn’t that we were young, and we felt immortal.

Especially me.

I’d learned I was not immortal.

Even in the beginning, the first time you put that pill on your tongue, you think, “Is this wise?”

But then you gulp it down because your man has a press conference the next morning, this being after you get on a plane, land, hit the venue, and he wants you there because he always wants you at his side, and you have to be bright. There are going to be photographers, so you have to look gorgeous. All of this not for you, but because you love him, and this means something to him, and you can’t let him down.

So, you have to sleep that night.

And wake up and be on the next day.

Then you close your mind to it. That little voice that’s there to make you think twice. You shut it down.

For me it wasn’t about thinking I could stop at any time.

I was thinking I had to keep going.

This thing you’re doing, this book…

[Dips head to phone that’s recording]

If I want people to get something out of it, anything, what I’d want them to get is that nothing for anybody is effortless.

That was a rep I got.

Everyone said, “That Lyla, the woman behind