Fashionably Fooled (Hot Damned #13) - Robyn Peterman Page 0,5
eyes and shrugged. “Semantics. Although, I do agree that they’re completely out of control. You were involved by association. Steve Perry isn’t really fond of you.”
“And that’s a problem?” I asked, not following. “I’m not a real well-liked individual. I’m Satan for fuck’s sake. If I was well-liked it would defeat the purpose.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Astrid conceded rudely. “I make no promises on that one.”
“You will succeed,” I said flatly. “I don’t like the word no unless I’m using it.”
Astrid raised her middle finger. “You’re kind of a dick.”
“Thank you,” I replied.
“Wasn’t a compliment, Uncle Fucker.”
“Semantics,” I replied, throwing the word back at her. “And if you really must know, my birthday is April 1st.”
“You’re shitting me,” Astrid said with wide eyes and a belly laugh. “Mother Nature told you your birthday was April 1st?”
“I shit you not,” I growled, wondering what the Hell was so funny. For a brief moment, I debated if I’d chosen the wrong family member to blackmail into planning my soiree.
A massive blast of thunder reverberated through the Dark Palace. Priceless stolen art fell from the walls and crashed to the marble floor. I cringed as the original Mona Lisa tore clean in half. It had taken me half a century to successfully procure the piece. No matter, da Vinci enjoyed the occasional poker game in Hell even though he resided in Heaven. I’d simply cheat at cards, get him drunk, and coerce him into painting me a new Mona Lisa.
A series of Hell rocking explosions followed, shaking the foundations of the Underworld. Of course, the term Underworld wasn’t exactly accurate as Heaven, Hell and Earth were all on the same plane. Right now, geography was an absurd concept to be pondering considering Hell was about to be wiped off the Immortal map.
There was no time to figure out why Astrid thought April 1st was a joke. Life and limb were at risk. Not my life per se, but definitely my limbs. I’d have to suss out why my birth date was humorous another time. It would be terribly embarrassing to have my niece witness my beheading.
“What the Hell is happening?” Astrid shouted as her fangs dropped, she began to glow, and her hair blew around her head.
All signs pointed to mass destruction. Astrid was ferocious in battle and I didn’t need her battling with Fate over blueberry breakfast bread.
“Leave now,” I shouted over the continuous explosions.
“I’m not leaving you,” she yelled back. “You need me.”
“I’m fucking Satan,” I roared. “I need no one.”
Despite the fact that all Hell was breaking loose, Astrid laughed. “What have I told you about that line? You seriously need a new catchphrase unless you can bang yourself.”
I’d walked right into that one. Again. “OUT. NOW.”
“I can’t die, you idiot,” Astrid reminded me. “I’m staying.”
“There are many things worse than death,” I shot back.
“Like what?” she demanded, snapping her fingers and arming herself with swords and throwing stars.
“Like a blueberry muffin shoved up your undead ass by Fate.”
Astrid’s horrified expression would have amused me to no end if I hadn't been deadly serious.
“I’m out of here,” she said as she disappeared in a cloud of glittering gold and red mist.
She was a smart girl.
Me? I was staying in my own personal Hell.
Smart? Absolutely not.
Chapter Two
“Holy Hell,” I shouted as I expertly ducked a machete aimed at my head. “Was it something I said?”
Most people would be electrocuted for far less.
Elle stayed silent as she stared daggers at me, scooped up the platter of chocolate croissants from the table and retreated back to her enormous closet—to eat them… I assumed. However, far be it from me to assume anything where my mate was concerned. Everything I assumed lately made an ass out of me.
Even though I was quite certain I was going to have to regrow an appendage, I was still wildly attracted to the breathtaking woman who had stolen my evil black heart. I was insane, but that was a given considering my mother was the craziest woman in the Universe. I’d clearly inherited the stark raving mad gene from Mother Nature while my brother God had not. The unfairness of Immortal life never failed to boggle my mind.
Knocking tentatively on the closet door, I prepared myself for electrocution. “Darling, would you like to talk about what’s bothering you without dismembering me? I can’t help if I’m not aware of what’s going on.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong,” Elle pouted from the other side of the door. “Every