Fashionably Dead and Loving It (Hot Damned #14) - Robyn Peterman Page 0,37

we talking about?”

Ethan shrugged. “My guess would be about five hundred to a thousand. Wilhem rarely does anything small.”

I flopped down on a chair and let my head fall back. “Well, shit. That’s a lot of dead dudes to transport all at once. I’m going to have to get backup for that.”

“Please tell me you are not calling who I think you’re going to call,” Ethan whispered.

I nodded and grinned. “I am.”

“The last time she was here, we had to have a forest removed from the Grand Ballroom complete with monkeys, lions and parrots.”

“This is true,” I said, wincing at the memory. “But she can move thousands with a flick of her pinky finger in a hot second. It would take me a day and word could get out more easily. A jungle and a barrel of destructive monkeys is a small price to pay. Oh… and we’ll probably have to sit through a pole-dancing exhibition.”

Ethan threw back his head and laughed. “Why not? We may as well add to the shitshow. We have the Devil showing up shortly under false pretenses. It makes horrifying sense to have Mother Nature get rid of a couple hundred unwanted Vamps for the price of watching her fall off a pole.”

“You inherited a lot of baggage when you got hitched to me,” I pointed out.

“As did you,” he replied, crossing the room and pulling me into his arms. “And I will happily carry your baggage until the end of time.”

“Back at you, hot pants,” I said, pressing my lips to his and kissing the man who I would die for.

We did have a tremendous amount of baggage between us. But we had each other and that was all that mattered.

Chapter Eleven

“Is it necessary to bring that to the meeting?” I asked Martha as she placed the dreaded gift-wrapped box on Ethan’s desk.

Ethan had gone to check in with the Elite Guards. Neither Satan nor Levi had graced us with their presence yet, but there was still fifteen minutes before the meeting was scheduled to start. Martha and Jane had shown up early.

Lucky me.

“Yep,” Martha replied with a gleeful cackle. “If Hottie McEvil-pants wants to make off with Ethan’s shit, I figured he wouldn’t be able to resist a present. Would serve him right to go home with a sphincter.”

“Darn tootin’,” Jane added, handing me a sheet of paper with names on it. “If the Devil’s gonna steal your crap, he deserves to own the muscle in the asshole that cuts the doody off. Might make the sexy stud rethink swiping stuff that doesn’t belong to him.”

“Are you two okay?” I asked, with my mouth hanging open. Placing the paper on Ethan’s desk, I glanced at it. There were five names on it. I recognized none of them.

“We’re fine,” Jane grunted. “Why?”

“Because you actually made sense. It was seriously disgusting, but it made sense,” I replied, imagining the look on Uncle Fucker’s face when he realized he had stolen a sphincter.

“We always make sense, even when we don’t. Most of the time our own brilliance goes right over our very sexy heads,” Martha explained. “We’re so intellectually above the masses that they just don’t fucking understand us and neither do we.”

I laughed. “Not sure I’d go that far, but your devious plan for today is damned good.”

Jane gave me a thumbs up. “We always have your back, Bulges St. Boobala.”

“Thanks, Saggy Milksquirt,” I replied, deciding if I couldn’t stop them from the name-

calling, I’d join them.

“Niiiice, Busty Bazooms,” Jane shot back.

“I thought so, Droopy Hooters.”

Martha’s eyes narrowed and her grin grew wide. “Game on, Bongo Cans.”

“Lame, Floppy Chest Cheeks,” I challenged.

Jane squealed and dropped into a fighting stance. It was disturbingly similar to her bow. The old Vamp looked like she was about to take a dump. “You can’t win, Jubblies McHeadlamps.”

“Watch me, Crumpled Lady Bubbles.”

“Well, Jumbo Maracas, you have finally proven yourself worthy,” Martha announced, slapping me a high-five.

“Always happy to amuse you, Dangling Milk Duds.”

“Umm… can I play?” Anastasia asked with a grin, standing in the open doorway of the office.

Just seeing Ethan’s sister made me smile. I hoped that she would stay even though Ethan had ordered Wilhem and his clingy consort to leave.

“Are you up to the challenge?” I asked.

“Always,” she replied smoothly.

“Go for it, Bodacious Blouse Clowns,” Jane crowed with delight.

“I shall, Blubber Nuggets,” Anastasia said, pointing at Jane. “And you, Dairy Pillow McDoorknobs, are going to lose.”

Martha got so excited she began to levitate. Yanking her out of