I cringe at my own words. That’s not how I meant to say it, even if those words are true.
“He’s your what? He left that out of last night’s recap.”
I stand up and pace around her. She’s infuriating me; she’s bullying me like Megan did. She’s so wrong.
“Look,” I say. “Is there a point to this? I’ll make sure I don’t pass out next time another best friend turns on me. I seem to be holding it together just fine right now.”
“I’m looking out for you, Marty. If you’re not going to take care of yourself, someone ought to.” She sighs. “And if Pierce is pressuring you to stop eating, or drop weight to be with him, then he can’t help you. Boyfriend or not.”
I fall back onto the bed. I want to defend Pierce. I want to explain that sure, I might be dieting because of him, but it’s not like he’s making me do it. Actually, he hasn’t said anything to me about my weight, or my eating. Just about his own. Loudly and in front of me, but not at me.
“This is my thing,” I finally say. “Pierce isn’t pressuring me to do anything.”
“But you’ve started checking nutrition labels, just like he does.” Shane scratches his head. “You actually say some of the same things. Like at dinner a couple nights ago? ‘I can’t believe this meal has more than half the sodium I’m supposed to consume in a day.’ Like, that’s fine if you want to eat healthier, but what you’re doing isn’t healthy.”
“There are people who will look the other way when their friends make bad choices.” Sophie glares at Shane. “But I sure as hell am not that person. I don’t know how to get through to you. But while I’m on the topic, guess what Pierce announced to the whole class? That you were performing a duet in two weeks.”
“So?”
“It would take me days to unpack why that’s a bad idea. One, Pierce is a flaky fuck with a track record that doesn’t speak well of him. But you know that.” She hisses a sigh through her teeth. “Two, he’s not a good musician. He’s a savant in Music History, but you should hear him play—he’s so unenthused it’s like he’s running through the motions. You can’t cover up being a boring musician here with a sunny personality and get away with it. Do you know why he wants to do the recital with you?”
“Because he likes me.”
“As an oboist!”
Frustration builds within me. I stand up again. “As a boyfriend! As a human being!”
Shane fidgets in his chair, but he doesn’t leave.
“I don’t think that’s true,” she says. Her voice is soft, and she looks at her hands. “If you really thought he liked you for you, it wouldn’t be like this. You wouldn’t be crash dieting like this. You shouldn’t feel like you have to hurt yourself to make someone like you.”
I say nothing. The rain picks up outside, and Sophie puts on her jacket.
“I’ve got to go,” she says. “This—all of this—is a waste of time. Whether you get taken out in a stretcher, or run away after your inevitable fight with Pierce, or whatever. I can’t get close to another person just to have them disappear again. This school is hard enough with Rio going for my blood. I need to make a real friend, and I need to protect myself.” She walks away. I almost don’t hear her. But I do, and it’s a line I’ll never forget.
“Good luck with the move back to Kentucky.”
TWENTY-SIX
Pierce still hasn’t responded to my text.
But I need him.
I text him again.
What are you doing?
Then,
Had a fight with Sophie.
I take a walk with Shane, and we find a bench where we can just sit in the rain, even though we’re pretty much soaked through at this point.
“Can we talk about anything?” I ask. “Anything that isn’t about you-know-who?”
“Well, I’m not sure this is a great time to announce this, but I … I got it.”
I gasp. “You what?”
“You’re looking at Les Mis’s new fourth horn. I found out just after you left.”
“Congrats, Shane,” I say. “That’s really great.”
I should feel more jealous, but I know I haven’t put in the effort I should have. The reed I made when I got here is starting to split down the middle, and I haven’t even found time to make a new one. The last time I practiced, there was