should come with us sometime, on one of the trips. Shane never goes, and I’m not sure why. He blames work and money—which are valid, don’t get me wrong—but even during short, cheap trips where he has enough time to request off in advance, he gets weird. He was like this in secondary too.”
I grunt an approval so he knows I’ll consider it, and then we’re silent for a bit longer. He builds the courage to move his arm again, this time draping it over my shoulder. I welcome the touch and unconsciously lean into him.
“Why did you agree to come pick me up from the airport?”
“Because Shane needed help.” He says it plainly. Despite myself, I smile. Even if he does go through guys quickly, he’s still clearly a good guy on some level. “Well, I suppose there’s more. Shane talked about you coming a lot. And I thought you were cute. And I knew you were a good oboist—I even saw the navy scholarship finalist performance you gave. I wanted to get to know you.”
“Get to know me as an oboist, or as … something else?”
“Both. Is that so bad?” he says. I turn my head and our eyes meet. “I like getting to know you better.”
I don’t have Megan here to vet all of my choices. I don’t have hours of solitude to overthink things. I have this moment, and I have a decision to make. I like him, and he seems to like me. But is that enough?
Leaning in, slow enough that he can stop me if I’m reading all the wrong signals, I plant a soft kiss on his lips. He puckers as I do, offering the slightest bit of suction between our lips. My chest floats as I give in to one more kiss, one more pull—this one firmer than the last. More confident. Real.
We release, and I feel like I’m panting. It couldn’t have been thirty seconds, but my entire body is charged with electricity. It’s like I’m a whole new person, and I find myself getting addicted to the feeling. Sure, kissing Pierce might be a risk.
If you ask me, a good kiss is worth the risk.
12 MONTHS AGO
DIARY ENTRY 2
It was misty and gross all day. Mom didn’t feel like walking all around the city, so Aunt Leah suggested we take a tour of the city on a double-decker bus. I thought this sounded pretty awesome, but the concept of public transportation makes my parents uncomfortable. Look, I get anxiety—like, right now, I can feel an ache thrumming through me. Why? I don’t know. Because I’m separated from Megan? Because I’m in a new environment? Because I’m so far from home? Who knows, but it’s always there.
But even though I’m uncomfortable with new experiences, I still want to have them. Sometimes. And really, if I could make it all the way here, through airports and cabs and so many people … what’s one more semi-traumatizing experience?
So anyway, that idea was swatted down pretty quickly. Finally, my aunt got them to agree to taking a cab tour. We drove near a lot of things. We drove over the bridge that goes to Parliament and Big Ben, and I almost missed Westminster Abbey completely. We drove by Harrods, that fancy store everyone talks about, and even went by some of the theatres.
Shane was pointing things out to me as quickly as he could, but eventually the joy of being near things fizzled out, and I just tried to enjoy the lackluster ride through this magical city.
It was kind of a flop, but I did learn one thing. I refuse to just be near things anymore, even if it kills me.
ELEVEN
A few days later, I’m walking through Hyde Park, because I’ve gotten used to exploring the city by myself. Shane and I eat dinner together, and sometimes we’ll watch old episodes of Drag Race, but we don’t spend all that much time with each other. What Pierce said about Shane is true—he’s focused fully on practicing and working.
I haven’t seen Pierce since our kiss, but the pangs of this crush aren’t dying off. Each time I think back to our tour of the city, I feel this rush that starts in my gut and spreads out, filling my chest with electricity. He sends me texts within seconds, rarely ever leaving me on read. Though I take Sophie’s warning to heart, I don’t want that rush to go away.