few smiles and heads bobbing. They’re actually listening to me. Sophie looks to have relaxed too.
“But my all-time favorite guidebook was this one for the Tuscany region of Italy. I couldn’t believe there was that much to see in one area—Il Duomo in Florence, Piazza del Campo in Siena, the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Well, that last one seems a little anticlimactic, but still. You’ve got to go with Italy.”
Pierce pounds the table with his fist. “Yes! I knew you’d side with me.” He gives me a wink, like I constructed the whole story to help him out. I roll my eyes.
“My sister went to school in Florence,” Sophie says. “I never got to visit her there, but her pictures were amazing. I mean, it’s worth going so you could say you’ve seen Michelangelo’s David, to be honest.”
“It’s settled.” Pierce laughs. “Then we can go to Malta and visit Dani’s mom.”
“Yeah, right. Malta’s overpopulated as it is; it doesn’t need you fools on it.”
A laugh escapes my mouth, just before I get an elbow in the side from Sophie.
“Can we go join the others now?”
I survey the table and wonder if I’ve made enough of an impression. Something propels me to want to be around them. To want them to like me. I see the benefit in quitting while I’m ahead, though, so I leave the table with one last wink at Pierce.
Except it comes out as more of a pained blink, which kills my insides. I’ve never been good at being smooth. So much for quitting while I’m ahead.
“There, you’ve had your fun fraternizing with the cool kids,” Sophie says in my ear, sloshing a bit of her beer on me.
The picture forms in my mind. Walking along the crowded Ponte Vecchio, too enamored with the old jewelry shops and art galleries to be anxious. Well, not actually, but a guy can dream.
In this fantasy, I walk under archways, on a path made of dusty cobblestones. Coming to an opening, I look out, downstream, on the Arno. The wind hits my cheeks and tells me I’m finally here, taking the lead on my own life.
I snap back to reality, and sigh. “I want to go with them. To Italy.”
I don’t hear her overly dramatic sigh as much as I feel the air shifting around us. Her eyes fall; her shoulders fall too. She looks like these people have personally hurt her, but that can’t be the case.
“Why them?” she asks. “With the exception of maybe your cousin, they’re exclusive and a bit snotty.”
I pause, fully aware I’m about to out myself to one more person. And I feel comfortable doing it, but something about it always feels weird. The confession bubbles up in my chest, and I feel hyperaware. Does she already know? Could she?
For a second, despite her worried face, I smile. I want to trust more people with this. I take a breath.
Then, “I may have a crush on Pierce.”
We stop.
“Oh, love. Come, sit down.”
We take seats at the booth where a few musicians sit. Eight empty pint glasses crowd the table, along with various plates of fries and a bag of chips. Er, a bag of crisps. A plate of chips. Whatever they’re called.
“Look.” The crowd around us starts getting louder, so Sophie raises her voice. “You’re cute and funny and a little neurotic—I get that. But Pierce isn’t … and I know I’ve only known him for a month or so, but … he goes through guys pretty quickly.”
My insides freeze. “Define ‘quickly.’ ”
I glance back to the entrance. As I scan the crowd, I can’t even see the door anymore. Students stand in large groups all around, laughing, swaying. I turn to Sophie and focus on breathing.
“He dated this flautist, who was one of my first friends in the program,” she explains, “but Pierce bailed the moment things got too serious. A week later, he was making out with some pianist in that booth over there. Long story short, my friend doesn’t go to the academy anymore.”
“Oh.” I absorb the message, and embarrassment creeps through my body. I remember how sad Pierce looked when I asked him why someone would drop out of the academy. “But I’m—I’m not like that. I can play it casual.”
I look down at the table and tighten my core. Back home, this feeling of anxiety in big crowds would pummel me at pep rallies or county fairs, sports events or even graduation, when the chaos around me became too