warmed up. Being a detective, I was great at solving mysteries, but chase scenes and action-packed brawls weren’t my specialty.
A crowd had gathered by the dumpster bins behind Ye Olde Blood Bar. McGoo was already there, trying to hold off the crowds. A banshee barmaid with big hips and a layered skirt screamed and screamed, breaking nearby windows and nearly deafening us all. Sheyenne hovered in the air, her translucent form sparkling with intense anger. McGoo was red-faced.
Sprawled on the ground in front of the dumpsters were two more dead golems, side by side, their arms at odd angles and their chests split open, the clay pried apart and leaving them hollow: Don and Jim, the golems we had met earlier. Don still wore his yellow dishwashing gloves.
McGoo bent down beside the eviscerated clay figures. “It’s too late.”
“Why would anyone want to kill golems?” Robin asked. “And why open them up like that?”
More clay figures had gathered around, still riled up from Art’s crusade. “Serve, not suffer,” one grumbled. I heard the same words muttered among the others.
“Something bad is happening here, McGoo,” I said. “Somebody’s cracking open golems, like shucking oysters and hoping to find a pearl.”
I could tell my best human friend had had enough. He bellowed, loud and clear, “Four golem murders in two weeks! This is a crime scene. This entire Renaissance fair is a crime scene!” He pulled out his radio and called to request backup—all of it. “By order of the Unnatural Quarter Police Department, I declare this fair closed. All the public must leave immediately in a calm and orderly fashion.”
Security ogres lumbered in to see what the fuss was all about. “Knock some heads!”
“No, no, just a peaceful evacuation,” Robin insisted. The ogres looked disappointed.
McGoo said, “Call King Dred. I want all fair employees together on the jousting ground. I need to interrogate everyone.” Sighing, he looked at me. “This is going to be a long day.”
VI.
Squad cars arrived before the fair workers organized themselves on the jousting field. The security ogres got into several brawls (with each other, since they’d been given orders not to harm the paying customers), and eventually all of the patrons made their way to the overflowing parking lot, creating a huge traffic jam as they headed back to the Unnatural Quarter.
King Mortimer Dred stood on the reviewing stand as if this entire meeting had been his idea. McGoo and I sorted the fair workers by species so we could interrogate them better. Robin made sure that every accused monster was properly read its rights. Sheyenne had gotten a treat for Alvina, roasted frogs on a stick, because the little girl was hungry again.
Trolls, mummies, and werewolves in blacksmith aprons gathered around, as well as Noxius the gremlin and Rettop the Cavewight. The vampire and skeleton jousters stood shoulder to shoulder, and I realized that they were actually close friends, not mortal enemies as the audience had thought. Even Alice the dragon thundered in, landing not far from King Dred’s reviewing stand. Twenty or so golems crowded together, identical except for their various Renaissance costumes.
McGoo strutted in front of the reviewing stand. “Now that you’re all here, I’ve got—”
“I’ll take it from here,” Mort boomed from the platform above. When he lifted his hands, his black velvet sleeves fell down to his elbows again. Thunder sounded across the sky, and dark clouds began to form. “I am King Mortimer Dred, your boss.” He strode down from the reviewing stand and marched onto the field, heading straight for the gathered golems.
McGoo and I hurried after him, trying to regain control of the situation. “What are you doing, sir?” I asked.
“We have this handled,” McGoo said.
King Dred ignored us. As he walked past the nearsighted gremlin, he grabbed the furry creature by his scrawny neck and dragged him to stand in front of the golems. “Now that you’re all here in one place, I can get this done in a far more efficient manner. I need Excalibur. I know one of you golems bought it. I know one of you is hiding it.” The king glowered, and his eyes crackled with sparks.