the chances of those two opposites having a relationship were about as unlikely as . . . well, as anything else in the Unnatural Quarter.
“Not the stern look!” McGoo cried. “Point taken. It’s a murder, plain and simple, and we better solve it.”
I lurched back to my feet, drawing in a deep but unnecessary breath. My lungs no longer needed air, although it did make talking a lot easier. “Sounds like a job for a zombie detective.”
McGoo looked up at the lights of the Renaissance fair camp that had taken over the empty land outside of town, saw the smoke of cook fires, watched the nocturnal monsters dwindle down to lethargy as the day grew brighter. He glanced at the dead golem again. “Whew, and this is the second one in a week.”
II.
The dragon was the star attraction, no doubt about it, but Dred’s Real Renaissance Faire had jousting matches, swordfights, minstrels, jesters, elaborate costumes, and souvenirs to fit any budget, so long as it was high. Food vendors served fantastical concoctions for all digestive systems, whether carnivorous, demonic, or health conscious. One pushy vendor offered me a brain gelato and didn’t want to take no for an answer.
I’d been meaning to take Sheyenne, my ghost girlfriend, here on a date, and now I had a reason to go to the Renaissance fair because of work. Sheyenne glowed with ectoplasmic delight when I bought tickets for all of us, including my partner Robin and cute little Alvina, the ten-year-old vampire girl who was either my daughter or McGoo’s. (We weren’t sure who was the real father, since we had both been embarrassingly involved with the mother, back in the day. But based on her cuteness and intelligence, I was betting on my genetics, not his.)
Sheyenne had altered her spectral form to look like a regal lady, with her blond hair done up in extravagant braids. Her gown came out of a Disney princess movie.
“You look gorgeous,” I said.
Not surprisingly, she shimmered. “Thank you, Beaux. I wanted to look the part.” I wore my usual fedora and sport jacket with the stitched-up bullet holes.
Inside the main entry gates, Talbot & Knowles had set up a medieval-looking tavern with a wooden sign that said YE OLDE BLOOD BAR, where they filled tankards of blood for rowdy vampires, and also served coffee, iced tea, and soft drinks for their less sanguine customers. I treated Alvina to a unicorn frappé, which was more sugar and caffeine than hemoglobin, but it made the girl even cuter than usual with her pigtails and a grin that showed off pointy fangs.
The fair was gaudy and colorful, filled with noise, delightful diversions, and expensive things at every turn. After all the mythical creatures had returned, thanks to a cosmic alignment and accidental virginal blood sacrifice, the vampires, ghosts, mummies, werewolves, zombies, ghouls, trolls, gremlins, et cetera, congregated in the Unnatural Quarter, a place where they could feel at home.
But other mythical creatures, especially the dragon, the wizard king, enchantresses, and Jabberwocks, took their lives on the road. Dred’s Real Renaissance Faire performed around the country, and they were doing quite well on their monthlong stop here in the Unnatural Quarter.
“Can we watch the jousting?” Alvina asked.
“People just go there to see knights crash into each other,” I said.
The little girl beamed. “Sounds great!”
I looked at the program. “Next match is in half an hour.”
As Robin walked with us, I could tell the wheels were always turning behind her dark eyes. I had told her about the murdered golems, and now we saw numerous golems hauling barrels, tightening ropes, lugging heavy sacks, emptying dumpsters, scrubbing porta potties. I was sure some of them had known the two eviscerated victims.
The crowd around us paused and pointed into the sky. Robin glanced at her watch, and her face flashed a real smile. “Stop right here. This is a good place to watch.”
“What is it?” I asked. “And how much does it cost?” It was an instinctive question here at the Renaissance fair.
“Every hour on the hour, Dan,” Robin said. “The dragon!”
At the far side of the site, beyond the crew tents,