The Fantastic Fluke - Sam Burns Page 0,25

and a half. Maybe more.

I wondered if he was proportional, then thought about the old stories about how shoe size equals, um, endowment size. A glance at his shoes suggested that was unlikely, if not anatomically impossible. Those things had to be custom made.

“Something wrong with my boots?” he asked, amusement in his voice. I glanced up, got as far as the bulge in his dark pants, and turned to stare at my dinner.

“Nope. They’re nice boots. Excellent boots. Bespoke boots, probably.”

His chuckle was as low and deep as his voice, and it sent a shudder through me. Fuck, the things I’d let someone like him do to me . . .

But that wasn’t too likely to ever happen. First, of course, he was dead. Second, it had been ages since I’d found a man I trusted enough to have sex with, let alone anything more than sex, or anything rougher than a little plain lights-out under the covers vanilla action.

Being manhandled by someone you didn’t trust wasn’t sexy; it was terrifying.

For a moment I concentrated on eating my dinner, and once again, foxy joined me. He seemed a little unsettled by our company, so after a moment I looked back at Gideon. “You’re bothering foxy. Come sit down or go away.”

He inclined his head to me, walked over, and looked at the remaining dining table chairs, both of which were pushed in. I lifted my foot and pushed one out a few feet so he could get into it, which he did, then gave both of us a nod.

Foxy started eating again, albeit slowly.

“If you can find a mage to send me over, I’d be happy to let him,” Gideon said after letting us eat in silence for a while. “One tried that, first time I came back. I told him there wasn’t a light to go into, so he offered, and I agreed. I just got raised and sent back again.”

I couldn’t help it, I flinched.

Gideon might be the first honest-to-gods ghost who needed help being sent over, and there I’d been, mocking the notion of unfinished business.

“You don’t know what’s bringing you back?”

He shrugged. “I expect it’s the convergence. I wouldn’t exactly call it alive, but it thinks. It’s got opinions. It wants to be linked to a person.”

“You’ve got to stop calling it that.” I set my fork down and looked at him seriously. “I’m not kidding; it sounds like a sex toy or a porno.”

One corner of his mouth quirked up in a smirk. “Getting you all hot and bothered, thinking about linking to the convergence?”

“I dunno, you gonna star in it?” It took me a moment to really process what I’d said, staring at him in shock and horror.

He gave one slow blink, like a cat, and his smile spread. “I might be able to see my way clear to that, if you need my help. I’d expect that would be a job for younger, prettier men, but I’m game to give it my best.”

I opened my mouth, once, then snapped it shut and turned back to my dinner, cheeks and the tips of my ears burning. “You’re wrong about me. I’m not some kind of super special secret mage. I’m just Sage, class-two social mage, and that’s fine.”

“The amazing thing is I think you believe that.”

I wasn’t sure why it was amazing, or what “that” even specifically was, so I didn’t look at him again, even as I got up to go wash my bowl and set it in the dishwasher. Foxy followed me over, his own empty bowl clutched between his teeth.

“I could have gotten that, buddy.”

“Not the way familiars work,” Gideon said. “He’s your partner now. You’re never going to be on your own to get things done again.” There was a wavering quality in his voice that caught my attention, and I turned to look at him. He was looking at foxy with unfocused, glassy eyes, and for the first time it occurred to me that if he were some kind of powerful mage like he was implying, he’d had a familiar when he was alive.

“Maybe foxy is supposed to be the familiar for whoever it is you’re looking for, and he just got diverted.” I knelt down to pet him, and he made the cutest happy-squeaky noises.

I looked back up at Gideon and he’d turned toward me, a few inches of his torso intersecting with the table because there wasn’t enough room for his chest. “Why are you so

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