incapable of being with someone on that level. I’d sold my house and moved down here to be closer to the only family I truly had left, because I didn’t believe I deserved more. I doubted I’d ever have anything better.
Yet here I was, genuinely wanting more with Tasha.
It made absolutely no sense, considering I didn’t really know her. Sure, we’d talked about a lot of things, but I’d only gotten to know her in this make-believe world where she had to pretend to be someone else. I wasn’t foolish enough to think that things would be exactly like this after she went home. However, that didn’t stop me from wishing for things to stay the same with us.
Suddenly, in the middle of the game, Tasha paused the screen and turned my way. The determination on her face had my chest constricting and my stomach in knots. I could tell that she’d had a lot on her mind since we first sat down to play—her movements in the game were sluggish, like those of an unskilled player. I knew she was better than most at almost every game we’d played together, so it didn’t make sense. And now, captive by her intense stare, I could tell she had something serious to get off her chest.
“I think I should probably head home. I just noticed the time, and it’s getting late.”
I glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that it was past midnight. “Why don’t you stay here tonight? It’s too late to be walking home, especially in that.”
She dropped her chin, as if suddenly remembering what she was wearing. “I really don’t think staying here is a very good idea, Jacoby. I appreciate the offer, but I think it’s best if I just go back to the house.”
Now, even more worried, I began to panic. “Have I done something to upset you?”
“No, not at all.” Her eyes widened, as if worried that she’d offended me. “I promise.”
“Then what is it? Why are you so adamant about leaving in the middle of the night?”
She pulled in a deep breath and then let it out quickly before replying. “I know you said you understand, but I don’t think you do. I mean, I haven’t really explained anything, so how could you possibly know what I want to say?” She had a good point, so I let her continue without cutting her off like last time. “I am the queen of ruining things, and the last thing I want to do is ruin whatever we might possibly have between us.”
I smiled, finally relaxing enough to breathe properly. As easy as it would’ve been to repeat the same mantra from before and tell her it was all right, I decided against it. It clearly hadn’t worked last time, so I figured it was best to go down a different route. “Why are you the queen of ruining things?”
She shrugged, clearly not expecting that question. Lucky for me, she answered anyway. “I guess I’ve been burned too many times, so I’ve developed a knack for ending relationships before the other person has a chance to do it first.”
That both confused me and caught my attention. “What do you mean? How have you been burned in the past?”
“Well, in high school, Tiffany had a way of ruining any relationship I was in—whether she’d start a rumor that would make my boyfriend break up with me or get them to leave me for her. It was a game to her, one where I always lost. Then, after high school, guys would find out who my sister was, and that would get between us in one way or another. Really, it’s all so stupid, but after so many times, I guess you can say it’s gotten to me.”
I could relate to her in ways she’d never know. But I could never fully tell her that without disclosing my past, and I could never do that without losing her for good. And even though I wasn’t sure how long this would last between us, I certainly didn’t want to ensure that it would be over before it truly began.
“So what are you trying to say, Tasha? Are you pushing me away or doing what you can to prevent that from happening?”
“The second one.” For the first time, I picked up on a hint of uncertainty. It was only brief, though. As quickly as it came on, she shook it off and smiled. “I really don’t want to mess