“What did you say?” she asks, her interest piqued.
“No.”
“Aw, Sara,” she says in a tone like I lost my most prized possession.
“Am I crazy, Riss?” I ask, rolling to face her and pulling a pillow under me.
“Certifiable,” she jests.
“I’m serious.”
“You’ve been through a lot. I can understand why you don’t want to go with him. Then again, what do you have to lose by going?”
I drop my face into the pillow for a second, then look at her again. “I don’t know. I had so much going on for so long that I like the status quo.”
“How did Jason take it?”
“He’s upset, but he’s not pushing me to change my mind.”
She drops her pen on the open journal. “Typical.”
“I feel bad, Riss.”
“Sis, don’t feel bad for making a decision that’s best for you.”
“I know. But do you realize this is the first time we’ll be separated since the Foster Hell fiasco?” Maybe two hours is a big difference given all the time we spend together.
“I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess I’m spoiled that Damian and I aren’t going anywhere.”
“Lucky you.”
“Hey, this doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind later.” She moves over to the bed and sits next to me. “Things change.”
I groan in frustration.
“You two still haven’t had sex yet, have you?”
“No.”
“Wouldn’t it be awkward to sleep with him in the same bed without sleeping with him?”
Only she would think of something that ridiculous and semi-funny. But I don’t laugh.
“What’s going on with that anyway?” she asks. “You never talk about it.”
I roll onto my back. “I talk about it with J.”
She pouts and flashes puppy dog eyes at me. “You know you can talk to me about it too.”
“I don’t know if you’d understand.”
“But Jason does?” she asks, eyes narrowing.
I get that she feels slighted, but she doesn’t understand my point of view. “You’re my sister. He’s my boyfriend. My issues with sex affect him directly, not you.”
“You do have a point. How far have you gone?”
“First base.”
“That’s it?”
“Simon raped me for two years. It’s not easy retraining my brain to accept sex as not being about pain and suffering.”
I watch the snap of insight change her facial expression. She throws her arms around me. “I’m sorry. I never thought of it that way.”
Demons of my past, be gone.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
Jason shuts the trunk of his car and moves to the driver’s side where I load a box into the back seat. “Last chance to change your mind, Parker,” he says, leaning against the car.
I shut the door and straighten up, facing him. “Not going to happen.”
“Can’t blame me for trying.” A weak smile crosses his face.
“I don’t want this to be the thing that comes between us. I’m just not ready for it right now.”
“I know. I’m making light of it because I miss you already.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and kicks the ground with toe of his Vans. “I’m going to say goodbye to my parents.”
“It’s sad that Alana’s not going,” Arissa states.
“Mike can’t go and she can’t leave him here alone,” I remind her.
“Doesn’t make it less sad. He shouldn’t have to do this alone.”
I fight against my chest’s attempts to heave from the sorrow. Mike and Alana should be going with him, but the trip would drain Mike’s energy. It’s not fucking fair. He’s doing this on his own. I can’t even follow him up because I’ve never driven that far on my own.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Arissa teases, punching Jason on his shoulder when he returns.
He covers his shoulder and feigns pain. “Ow!”
“Wuss.” She smirks.
He grins. “You’re going to miss me, Jericho.”
She throws her arms around him for a moment. “Yes, I am. But don’t let it go to your head.” She turns to me. “We’ll wait for you in the car.”
Jason cradles my face in his hands and brings his lips to mine. I open up to a fervent kiss as I wrap my arms around his waist. He breaks off and enfolds me tight in his arms.
“I love you so, so much, Parker.”
“I love you too, J.” I inhale his scent in a long, deep breath to keep a part of him with me.
He kisses the top of my head and releases me. His red-rimmed eyes brim with tears as he climbs in the car. He grinds the heels of his hands into his eyes. I press my palms on the car and peer inside. He rolls down the