knew. He was trying to turn this to his advantage. “You’re just afraid.”
“Oh, God, Peter.” Ari started to laugh at how he’d come up with a way to twist her words. But she stopped herself. Let him have it. Let him believe she was too shy, too unsophisticated, to tolerate living in the city with a husband who was working for a top-notch corporate law firm. “I suppose you’re right,” she said softly.
Now she could go. Now she could leave him, and he would feel that somehow he had won.
To her surprise, Peter came over to her bench and lifted her hand. “Ari, we all get nervous. We all get stage fright. But you can do it, I know you can, and I’ll help you. You’re halfway there. Your father is a surgeon. Your family has a house on Nantucket. You’re beautiful, and smart—you underestimate how smart you are. I’ve always told you that you should major in something more important than childhood education.”
Ari pulled her hand away. “And I’ve always told you there is nothing more important than childhood education. You’ve just never believed me.”
“Ari, that’s minor stuff, nothing to break up over.”
“Childhood education is not minor stuff.”
“For God’s sake, Ari, I’ll be making hundreds of thousands of dollars. You’ll be making pennies.”
“I’ll be making a difference,” Ari said quietly.
“You’ll be making mud pies,” Peter shot back haughtily. The moment he spoke, he squinted in a kind of discomfort, as if he knew he’d said the wrong thing.
Ari let the silence linger while they both absorbed the impact of their conversation. Finally, quietly, Ari said, “Listen to yourself. We aren’t right for each other.” She slid her engagement ring off her finger and handed it to Peter. Pushing herself off the bench, Ari rose. “I honesty, seriously, hand over heart, do not love you, Peter. I’m sorry, but it’s true.”
Peter’s pale face flushed. He stood, too, one hand clenched tight, holding the valuable ring. “That’s blunt. I’m sorry, too. Because I love you, Ari.” He had tears in his eyes.
Ari wished she could cry, too, and she did feel like a terrible person, but she also felt as if invisible ropes were loosening, as if she was almost free.
“Peter, I don’t think you even know who I am. You’re in love with a fictional me, and—and I could never make you happy.” Let him have that, she thought. Let him believe she would be a failure.
“No, Ari, I—”
Ari didn’t wait for the rest of the sentence. She turned and ran.
Maybe she was a wicked, cruel, heartless person, but as she ran away from Peter, toward freedom, she wanted to throw her head back and laugh. She wanted to make victory signs with her hands and wave them in the air. With each step, the bonds of their relationship slipped, fell away, and vanished. She was released.
She surged toward her sorority house. She yelled “Hooray!” to her empty room. She was almost ready for the drive home. Her parents had already come to take most of the boxes of books, winter clothes, silly costumes, stuffed animals. She quickly showered, finished her last-minute packing, and in a kind of controlled frenzy, she finished loading up her old dark green Subaru Forester and hit the road.
It was a seven-hour drive to Boston. She left at three in the afternoon, which meant she’d be home by ten. Maybe eleven if she stopped to pee and get food. She found the eighties music station on her radio, which provided good emotional songs to cry and yell with, and she sang and screamed until her throat was hoarse. Her phone beeped constantly, but she didn’t want to talk to anyone. She was exhilarated, and at the same time she felt guilty, sorry for what she’d done to Peter. For him it would be an insult and an embarrassment, but truly more a massive inconvenience than a heartbreak, and that eased her guilt.
As she crossed the state line and entered Massachusetts, the late spring light was slowly fading. She was leaving her past behind her, entering her future. She shook her hair back, a habit she had when beginning an exam. She sang along with Cyndi Lauper, “Girls Just Want to Have Fun,” and Eurythmics, “Sweet Dreams,” and Journey, “Don’t Stop Believin’.” She stopped for gas and coffee, and returned to her car full of caffeine and energy.
What would her mother think about this? Her mom had been so thrilled about Ari’s engagement to