False Start - Jessica Ruddick Page 0,86

enough to complete my college degree, which I wasn’t even paying for. For the first time, I was starting to regret that I hadn’t taken my studies seriously. Even if I changed my mind and decided to stay for the spring semester, I still wouldn’t graduate on time. I’d done the bare minimum and had taken the easiest courses, which meant I would need at least another year to complete the required classes. The thought made me sick to my stomach, especially considering I’d chosen my major because it was the easiest one available.

I shifted, trying to get comfortable with my useless arm. I ran my left hand over Becca’s hair and smoothed it away from her delicate features. I’d always loved her, but just like with everything else in my life, I’d been a total moron and hadn’t recognized my feelings for her. Or maybe I’d been too chickenshit to admit to them. Either way, it didn’t matter. Loving her made me a better person, and all I wanted was to do right by her. I just wasn’t sure what that was anymore.

***

Becca

“HOW LONG HAVE you been awake?” I asked.

Carson looked rough, like he’d only gotten a few hours of sleep at most. “A while.” He started to get out of bed, but I put my hand on his chest.

“Stay here,” I said. “Try to rest some more. I’ll make breakfast.”

Instead of lying back down, he stood and walked toward the bathroom. “Don’t bother. I’m not hungry,” he said over his shoulder. Then he closed the bathroom door behind him.

Shit. Carson was always hungry. Not to compare him to a dog, but it was kind of like that—him not eating was a sign that something was seriously wrong. I’d already known that, but confirmation like this felt like a punch to the throat.

“I’m hungry, so I’m going to cook anyway,” I said loudly so he could hear me through the closed door. “I’ll make enough for two in case you change your mind.”

I waited for him to reply, but after a few seconds of silence, I sighed and went downstairs. I wasn’t much of a breakfast eater and normally had something light. But Carson usually ate a big breakfast, so I pulled the eggs out of the fridge. Hopefully the smell of scrambled eggs with cheese would awaken his appetite. And hopefully I was being overdramatic with my worry. It was the first time in my life I’d ever wished to have muddy thoughts about something.

The eggs were nearly done by the time he came downstairs, but he wasn’t wearing the sling he’d come home in the night before. I had no idea whether he needed to be wearing it or not.

“Do you need help with the sling?” I asked. I knew he had to wait for the swelling to go down for the doctors to treat the break, but his unprotected arm made me nervous. I didn’t want him to hurt it worse, if that were even possible. Though I was a biomedical engineering major, I knew surprisingly little about broken bones.

“No.” His response was terse and in a tone he’d never taken with me before.

“Does it hurt?” I asked gently, even though I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it. I couldn’t stop myself, though.

“It doesn’t bother me.” Again, his words were clipped.

That meant it probably did hurt, but injuries to Carson were what mosquito bites were to most people—simply annoying.

I scooped the eggs onto two plates and set them down on the table. I was pleased when Carson sat in front of the bigger helping and picked up a fork. See? Totally overreacting. Still, my internal cheery voice couldn’t persuade me.

“Did the doctor give you any instructions for today?” He had a consult scheduled for tomorrow. With my parents and Roman visiting, though, we hadn’t gotten a chance to discuss anything. I was still as in the dark as I had been last night.

“Rest.”

Damn it. His terse answers were killing me, but I didn’t know how to make his mood better. False assurances that everything would be all right wouldn’t help him. In fact, they would most likely annoy him.

We ate in silence, then I started cleaning up the dishes and pan I’d cooked in. As I stood at the sink, Carson came up behind me and wrapped his good arm around me.

He pressed his face into my hair. “I love you.” His voice was laced with pain, and it broke my heart a