Falling into Forever (Falling into You) - By Lauren Abrams Page 0,86
out of reach. Hangovers are something that old people get, for chrissakes.”
That manages to elicit a small smile. “There are still a bunch of big, beautiful tomorrows.”
“You don’t know that.”
“No, I don’t know that. But I can hope for that. It’s better than wanting to crawl into a hole and die alone, without ever having to risk your heart again. Smart, Hallie, really smart.”
“I’m not afraid of the risk. Not anymore, at least.”
I take a deep breath and give him my last secret, the one I’ve kept locked away.
“I’m afraid that I’m not good enough for you. I wasn’t good enough for Ben. Here both of you are, in possession of these incredibly talented, prodigious minds, great minds who are brave enough and bold enough to share themselves with the world, and here I am, just some girl who managed to have enough good fortune to grab some coattails to hang onto. I’m nobody special. I’m not meant for the bright lights and the cameras capturing every move I make. I mean, I fall down. A lot. Do you know how many pictures they would get of me falling down? Instead of Chris Jensen: Lothario, they could have Hallie Caldwell: Klutz. I live in flip flops. Heels are some gigantic mystery that I’ll never be able to figure out. But it’s more than that.”
He’s staring at me like I really have lost my mind. I look directly into his eyes and try once more.
“Here’s the thing, Chris. I’m never going to be the best painter, or the best screenwriter, or the best candy wrapper sculpture maker. A perfect day for me is sitting in my little cabin and reading books to my daughter as she falls asleep. But that’s not enough for you, and it never will be. You happened to be destined for greatness and I came along for a little while and it was fun, but it wasn’t me. I’m a pretty simple girl, and your life is too big for me.”
Chapter 24
CHRIS
I want to laugh it off, to tell her that the thought that she wouldn’t be enough for me is a preposterous notion, but her solemn expression and the fat tears rolling down her face stop me from dismissing her words entirely.
“Hals, you once told me that maybe the world would be a better place if there were more people who wanted to be good and fewer people who wanted to be great. Do you remember that?”
“And you said that it was all nothing but a bunch of foolish talk.”
“I was wrong. You were right.”
“Oh, come on.”
“You were. And that’s what I want—a chance to be good, not great. That’s only going to happen if I’m with you.”
I kneel down next to the chair and take her chin in my hand and force her to look at me.
“Hallie Caldwell Ellison, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You managed to keep yourself together while the rest of the world fell apart around you. It takes more guts to wake up every day and do that than it does to write any stupid book or play a part in any stupid movie.”
“Bullshit.” She looks up and gives me a small smile. “I call bullshit on that.”
“Nope. Besides that, by your definition, all of our lives are small. The fact that people are willing to pay to see me pretend to be someone else for a couple of hours doesn’t make the important things any different.”
“That’s a ridiculous statement. You…you fly around on private jets and take meetings with people who make more money in one second than most people will ever see in their lifetimes. Everyone knows your face and your name. Everything you do is on the front page of some magazine for people to read. You can’t tell me that having a dedicated team of paparazzi makes you a normal person.”
“I didn’t say that that I was a normal person. There are no normal people. What I said was that my life, not my job, not the fact that I happen to make movies for a living, but the life I want to lead, is small. I want to make the people that I love most happy. If you want to call that small, go right ahead, but I don’t agree with you. That’s the biggest kind of life I can imagine. And I cannot imagine a life without you in it.”