Falling Fast (Falling Fast #1) - Tina Wainscott Page 0,83
Mia’s gaze. “I wish he hadn’t told you.”
“I’ll never say a word. Or…are you worried about what I think of you?”
“I didn’t want anyone to know.” He dropped onto the couch and rubbed his hand over his face. “Especially you.”
She sank beside him, her hand on his arm. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know.” He let his hand drop, but his gaze was still somewhere to the left of her. “But it messes with your head. When your own dad says it’s okay, but it doesn’t feel okay. And then…it does feel good, on a physical level, anyway, but you’re all conflicted because you know in your soul it’s wrong. He started when I was ten. The ‘magic age of enlightenment,’ he called it. When I was ready to be a man, and he was the one to teach me.”
“Sick son of a bitch.” Rage and sympathy roiled through her.
“At first, I was excited that he was going to spend time with me, because he rarely focused on me. It wasn’t penetration, just…other stuff. He always emphasized how this would help me with girls, so I could pleasure them the way he did and instruct them on how to pleasure me. After a year, I couldn’t take it anymore.” He finally flicked his gaze to her. “I told him never to touch me again.”
She stroked his arm. “That was strong of you. Brave for an eleven-year-old.”
“I threatened to tell the police, but he said they’d send me to live with strangers. That foster care was a lot worse than he would ever be. I’d heard stories. Saw fictionalized scenarios in movies. So we made a deal. I wouldn’t tell the police, and he wouldn’t touch me ever again.”
She leaned closer now, her cheek against his arm, fingers tightening around him. “That’s why you moved out on your own so young.”
“Partly. He never touched me, but I knew he wanted to. Sometimes he’d try to get me to admit that it felt good. Other times he’d cry and beg my forgiveness, saying how screwed up he was. I asked him once if he ever touched other kids, and he swore he didn’t. He hadn’t meant to do what he did, but talking about sexuality brought back memories of when he was a kid. Of his father.” Raleigh shuddered. “His drinking got worse. He was drowning in his shame, but at least he was totally ignoring me. He hooked up with every woman he could. I couldn’t live there watching his self-destruction. George, he knew things weren’t good at home. That’s why he let me move into the trailer in exchange for watching the property. He saved me from sleeping outside.”
“Thank God for George,” she whispered. “You never told anyone?”
“It was a secret that made me feel dirty. When Cody was born, I worried. Just before he was about to turn ten—the ‘magic age of enlightenment’—I had to warn Rose.”
“Oh, baby.” She climbed onto his lap now, facing him. “That must have been hard.”
He gave her a quick nod. “Turns out she’d been abused the same way. She understood. And she promised to protect him. I knew she would.”
“You warned Cody, too.”
“I told him no one should ever touch him down there or ask him to touch their private parts. Even someone he knew really well. Like Dad, I threw out, as an example. After it happened, when he came to me, I told him Dad had done it to me, too. I knew what he was going through. I said he could talk to me about it anytime he needed to, but he did what I did—stuffed it down and pretended it wasn’t there. I guess I didn’t set a very good example.” He dragged his gaze to hers. “Now you know all my secrets.”
“You think that makes a difference? You think I want you any less?”
“I wish you would.”
She leaned forward and kissed him. Soft and sweet. “Sorry, but I think it makes me love you even more. It makes me understand how much you’ve gone through, too, and it amazes me that you turned out to be the man you are. I’m very lucky to have you in my life.”
His chin trembled as his eyes took her in. He brushed his hand over her hair. “The problem is that my life is cursed. And sooner or later it’s going to rub off on you again. It already has once. I think it’s foolish to tempt fate twice.”