Fake Friends - Saxon James Page 0,77
him to date and knowing that if he dated me he’d probably never hear from his family again? Or the first time we finally kissed and he freaked out so badly he punched me in the face? Or the five years since that he’s spent dating women and forcing himself through being with them even though they do literally nothing for him? You don’t think that’s trying?”
And maybe I’m speaking for Rowan here, but all I want to do is throw a giant fuck-you in all their faces.
“Don’t you want what’s best for him?” Brenda asks.
“Yeah, I do. So it’s a no on the therapy. Because Rowan and I have spent too much time apart already, and if there’s anything the past five years have taught us, it’s that we’re miserable if we’re not together.”
“You love him …” she says slowly.
Rowan turns to her. “You know how you and Dad always tell us that when you first met, you just knew? There was never anyone else. That when you were together it was like someone had filled you with sunlight?”
“Yes …”
“That’s how I feel about Circus. How I’ve always felt.”
“Wow. I—I don’t know what to say.”
Karl clears his throat and pointedly turns his attention to the rest of the room.
My hand in Rowan’s seems to give him a boost.
“I’ve tried to be with women, for you guys, and it never made me happy. So if you still want me in your lives, it’s your turn to try for me.”
“Rowan …”
“And tell Grandpa that means no backhanded comments, no insulting me or my boyfriend, and the rest of you need to forget everything you’ve been told about gay men and accept me the way I am.”
“It’s not that easy—”
“I know that. I’ve been dealing with it for most of my life. But either you support me, or …” He hesitates, and I squeeze his hand to go on. “Or this is it for us.”
After everything he’s been through, I’m both proud and sad to hear the words. But they needed to be said.
Father O’Connor slides a shiny brochure across the table. “I think it would be a good idea to pause this conversation and have time to think all this through. Process where each side is coming from.”
“Nope.” I grab the brochure and scrunch it in my hand. “Thanks, Father, but Rowan was perfectly clear.”
He nods, looking mildly disappointed. “You know where to find me. Both of you.”
Rowan’s dad follows him out of the booth. “We’ll take some time to talk.” He motions for Brenda to follow him, so Rowan and I quickly jump out to let her pass.
She pauses in front of her son and squeezes his arm. “I love you. No matter what.”
“You too, Mom.”
His dad doesn’t say anything else as they leave.
Once the bell signals they’ve gone, I let out a long breath and crush Rowan in a hug. “Fuck me.”
“Yeah.”
We sink back into the booth, both of us drained from the whole conversation.
“You okay?”
“I guess. And as much as I love that you’re here, I really wish you didn’t have to see all that.”
“Rowan, I’m here because I choose you. Because I want to be with you, and I want to try and start a life together. That means taking on your family as well.”
“You’ve always been too good for me,” he mutters.
“Eh, I’m just a messy person falling for an equally messy person.” I lift his head so he’s looking at me. “I love you.”
“Thank God you still do.” His eyes fall closed as he rests his forehead against mine. “You’re sure I’m not too much—”
“Nope. And I never want you thinking that again.” I look up as Leon pats my shoulder and slides in across from us, along with Royce and Tanner. Piper arrives a few minutes later with soda for everyone, and she squashes in next to me.
“Could have gone better?” Leon finally asks.
“Yeah, but it also could have been worse,” Rowan says.
Piper leans forward to look at her brother. “They’ll come around.”
“I’m not so sure. But I guess we’ll see.”
I know he’s trying to keep his hopes down, and while I think today was a dick thing for them to ask him, I can also see it for what it was. A way for them to try to hold on to their son.
“How does it feel?” Tanner asks. “To be finally out?”
“I still don’t know. It feels good, and I keep getting these panicked moments that I’ll wake up and realize I haven’t