Fake Friends - Saxon James Page 0,48

my head back, letting the waves roll over me. It subsides as I concentrate on evening out my breathing.

Only then do I look at him.

Hair a mess, lips red and wet and swollen. Blue eyes still as hazy with alcohol as my brain feels, which can be the only reason he hasn’t freaked out yet.

I’ve come over the front of his shirt, and a small amount has hit his chin. I duck down and with one lick, I gather it on my tongue, grab his hair to tilt his head back, and kiss him.

He gasps into my mouth but kisses me just as passionately as before.

When we finally break apart, we’re both panting.

“I’ll get you some clothes.”

“Yeah … thanks.”

I’m worried that voice in his head is trying to come back. “And the scotch?”

“Definitely the scotch.” He stands and starts to strip off.

I know I’m supposed to be doing something, but my brain is all, What clothes? and chooses to gape at him instead.

When he removes his shorts to reveal his cock hanging heavy and thick between his legs, mine perks up, ready for round two.

I force my attention away and dress the man.

But he only pulls on the underwear I hand him and then settles under the covers.

Well, when in Rome. I pull on some underwear too, grab the scotch, and climb in beside him.

And it feels like nothing has changed.

We laugh and joke and flirt and let our hands wander until the bottle is finished and we’ve both passed out in each other’s arms.

When I wake up with Circus wrapped around me, my first instinct is to freak the fuck out.

My hangover is a bitch though, and doing anything more than moaning in self-pity seems like too much work.

“Don’t panic,” Circus hurries to say.

“Panic?” My voice goes up a notch. “Why the hell would I panic?”

He pushes up onto his elbows and looks down at me with sleepy eyes. My focus immediately drops to his lips, and I remember the kisses in vivid detail as though they happened only minutes, not hours ago.

Pressure clamps down on my chest.

“You’re panicking.”

“No …” I fight that evil voice back. It’s trying to make me feel ashamed. But Circus’s face is winning. “I’m … struggling. I don’t want to freak out. I’ve …” I pause, not sure how much to tell him. How much pressure would I be putting on him to say he’s the first and only man I’ve ever kissed? The first dick I’ve ever touched?

“So, here’s the thing,” I say. “Last night … I’ve never done that before.”

“Gotten drunk and hooked up with a guy? Shocker.”

I want to swat him on the ass, but I can’t bring myself to do it. “Kissed a man, other than that one time with you. Touched. Any of it.”

His eyebrows creep up. “So what have you done?”

“I’ve had my dick sucked a couple of times.”

Circus bursts out laughing. “Aww, have I popped all your same-sex cherries so far?”

I groan and bury my face. “Maybe not the time for jokes?”

“It’s always time for jokes.”

I groan again.

Smooth fingers ease my hands back down. “Okay, real talk. You’re not allowed to overanalyze. It happened. It was perfectly normal. And it felt incredible. Especially the part where your hand was around my dick.”

“You’re not going to let me off easy, are you?”

“Hey, I’ve waited five years for that. I’m going to enjoy it, thanks.”

“Yeah … I’m going to try to.”

Circus leans down and leaves a soft kiss on my cheek. “Don’t stress. It doesn’t have to mean anything. I know where you’re at, and I get that it was one of those drunken decisions that probably wouldn’t have happened if we were sober. But it did, and it is okay. Promise.”

I focus on my breathing, just in and out, waiting to see if the disgust is coming. As long as I don’t think about it too deeply, I seem to be fine. I’m coping. And each time a flash of a memory sneaks through, I’m reminded of how insanely hot the whole thing was.

And how I want to do it again.

But I’m a lot more sober and one hundred percent more hungover, so it’s probably best not to push anything today.

Besides, we leave for LA in a couple of days, I’ll have plenty of time to think things through before I go.

A round two or three or whatever seems like an excellent idea now, but the problem is, I’m still no closer to coming out than I was