Fake Friends - Saxon James Page 0,23

into an alternate universe or something. “Won’t people be mad when they find out the truth?”

“Nope. Because they won’t. You want to stay hidden, and I never once mentioned we were dating. People put that together themselves.”

“Because you baited them into it.”

He laughs. “Maybe a little.”

Oh, man, I have a bad feeling about this. “The more popular this thing is, the more chance someone we know will see it.” And the thought of someone in my family seeing those shots? Panic starts to claw at my throat. “Fuck, maybe this was a bad idea.”

“Whoa, calm down.”

“Calm down?” Sure, that’s easy for him to say. “This is exactly the sort of thing I never wanted to happen.” My voice is getting louder, but I’ve lost all control over it.

“I’ll stop posting, then.” Circus glares up at me from under his dark lashes. “Don’t stress about it. No more sneaky shots of the two of us. No more posts. Relax. I’ll build my audience without you.”

“It’s not …” God, how do I even begin to describe to him the sheer panic I have about my family starting to question anything to do with my sexuality? I’ve kept it hidden for so long because none of them have assumed I’m anything other than straight. I quickly glance around. “I’m still in the closet for a reason. I love my family, I don’t want them to disown me.”

“Well, maybe you can share your little secret once you’ve moved away from here.”

Ah. That. I shuffle my feet and stare down the other end of the road. “What if … what if you kept the money, and I stayed here?”

“What?”

“I don’t want to leave, Circus. I’m sorry. I know that was our deal, and I loved the time I spent in Portland, but when I picture my life, I picture myself living here. Traveling maybe. Coming and going, but this is my home. This is where my family is. Are you really going to make me leave them?”

“You mean the awesome family who doesn’t even know the real you? The horror! I’m such an asshole.”

“They’re stuck in their ways.”

“They’re homophobes.”

I grit my teeth because he’s right and I don’t want to argue. But it hurts to be reminded of the fact the people I love unconditionally have definite conditions in return.

He steps a bit closer and drops his voice. “I’m being a dick. I get it. But you’re gay, dude. And that’s not a bad thing to be. I fucking hate that they’ve convinced you it is.”

I study the bump in his nose again. “Since when do you care anyway?”

Circus quickly backs up. “I don’t. Deal with your own shit. Like I said, I’ll go back to only sharing my pretty face with the world. Oh, and that money came through. I’ll send through your share once I’m home.”

I guess that’s his way of telling me he still wants me gone.

I know he can’t technically banish me or anything like that, but the problem is that if I stay, Circus knows too much. It would be too easy for him to let slip one night that I’m the one who broke his nose five years ago and that’s the reason I left town.

Because getting that out there is going to start the questions of why. Why were we alone that night? Why did I punch him? Why didn’t Circus tell anyone until now?

And actually, I’d kind of like to know the answer to that one as well.

But I can’t bring myself to ask.

“Circus …”

He waits. Gives me a chance to answer. But my throat feels stuck, and all the rampant thoughts set loose in my brain refuse to come out.

I sigh and my focus lands on his nose again. “I really am sorry.”

“Sorry …” He closes the distance between us, and for the first time since we’ve reconnected, he meets my eyes and I get a glimpse of the guy I fell for. “The sad part is, Rowan, you’re still apologizing for the wrong thing.”

He’s gone before I can even begin to figure out what he means.

That night, Circus follows through on his word.

Except when I log in to my bank account and see almost double the amount we agreed on, I’m sure there must be a mistake.

A text quickly follows it.

Unknown: They were so happy, they paid us double. Here’s your share minus fees. Thanks for helping. C.

Fuck.

I sink down on the side of my bed, staring at all those digits. Is this real life?

I’ve