“I wish.” Emma sighed as she glanced over at the fairy in question. When she’d first seen the tiny air elementals just after her sight had come through, she’d been taken with how human they looked (except for the large gossamer wings that protruded from their backs). But now all she noticed was that they were arrogant, vain, and ate far too much junk food.
“But where do they even get that stuff from?” Loni wondered out loud.
“Well, judging by the amount of time they spend in the toy department and the Pets-R-Us counter, I’m guessing it’s a combination of places,” she retorted as three fairies came to a halt by the Sunglass Hut and started to throw ice cubes at her from a Starbucks cup.
Okay, so now it was definitely worse.
She rubbed her arm as three small blocks of ice hit her simultaneously, and she only just managed to move out of the way before another one went crashing into her forehead. It went rolling and bouncing along the marble floor, and a fat woman who was trying on some Dior shades shot her an evil glare as if it was Emma’s fault.
The fairies howled with laughter as they high-fived each other before one of them flew down and hovered right in front of her face. And that was another thing about them; they had no sense of personal space.
“What’s wrong, slayer? Why are you looking so grumpy? We just wanted you to chill out a bit.” It smirked. “Get it. Ice cubes, chill out,” the small creature said as its wings fluttered in a blurry pattern in front of her eyes. This one was wearing cargo pants and a plaid shirt and looked like it had come from the pages of a Gap catalog.
“Emma, are you still there?” Loni asked, sounding alarmed.
“It’s the fairies.” Emma sighed and tried to swipe the creature with her hands, but it lazily flitted out of her way before the other two joined it, just out of her reach. “They’re mocking me.”
“Mocking you?” a second fairy, the one in the AC/DC T-shirt, protested as it once again swooped close to her face. “My brother Gilbert might’ve been tormenting you, but I can assure you he was most definitely not mocking you. Isn’t that right, Trevor?”
“That is correct, Rupert.” A third fairy, wearing a miniature green hoodie and some baggy jeans now appeared. “Because we only save the mocking for those who are a real threat, not some two-bit useless wannabe slayer-girl.”
“But don’t worry,” Emma continued to Loni in a tight voice as she once again tucked her cell phone under her ear and loaded up the tiny crossbow. “Because soon they’re all going to be dead.”
“Did you hear that? She thinks she’s going to kill us. With that thing!”
“Oooh, no. Please don’t hurt me. Last time you used that weapon, you only missed me by a mile.” Gilbert pretended to shake with fear before suddenly scratching his chin. “Or was it two miles?”
“See, definitely tormenting,” Rupert pointed out as he pretended to play some air guitar before darting right up to her face and wagging his tongue at her à la Gene Simmons. “Oh, and FYI, if you can’t even scare Gilbert, then you really are doing a bad job, because he’s the worrier of the group.”
“It’s true.” Gilbert proudly nodded in agreement as he smoothed down his neat plaid shirt. “I guess it’s an eldest fairy thing, because Rupert’s the rebel, Trevor’s the irresponsible one, and me? Well, I’m the worrier. I mean, the world’s a scary place. But at least I don’t have to worry about being shot by a pathetic slayer-girl.” He grinned and then turned and gave his two brothers another high five.
Emma gritted her teeth as she held up the tiny crossbow, but by the time she released the arrow, the fairies had casually flown out of the way before turning so they could all watch the blunt skewer go skittering harmlessly along the marble floor.
“Er.” Trevor gave a polite cough as he swooped down to where the skewer now lay. “I think you dropped something.” Then without another word they all darted off, laughing like a pack of demented hyenas.
Emma reluctantly retrieved the skewer. Not for the first time she wished that the rules weren’t quite so black and white about using lethal weapons when you were slaying elementals in public places.
Of course Emma could see the point of the ruling, since