The Faire (Harrow Faire #5) - Kathryn Ann Kingsley Page 0,3
laid her head back down and looked up at the tent. “I guess so.”
“What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy after destroying Duncan. You had your revenge.”
“I did. I guess that’s what’s bothering me.” She shut her eyes. “I didn’t kill because of love. I killed because of hate.”
“Anyone who thinks they kill for love is a self-aggrandizing fool. Everyone kills because of hate. That’s what killing means.”
“I suppose.”
They fell into silence for a long moment before she realized something. “Hey, Lazarus?”
“Is that my name now?” He hummed. “I deserve it for appearing to you in this body. I suppose it’s as good as any. Yes, Cora?”
She nudged him with her foot. “How can I touch you?”
“I’m not a ghost, you know. I’m real.”
“If someone came in here and saw me, would you be here? Or would I look totally insane?”
“Reality is subjective.” He sniffed. “What you see is just light bouncing off of objects and being perceived by a flawed and inherently biased mind. And one that is prone to defects and defaults.”
“Answer my question.”
“Yes, you’d look crazy. Our bond isn’t strong enough for me to appear in physical form.”
She let out a sad laugh and put her hands over her eyes. “Great.” They fell silent for a long time. “How much time did I give you by feeding you Duncan, Laz?”
“A few years at most. I still don’t have the strength for another Inversion. I’m hoping we won’t have to worry about that.” He sighed. “But a few years to me is nothing. I am still dying.”
“Why can’t you survive off what the Dark Path gives you?”
“There’s a big difference between eating a single bite of a hamburger or eating the whole cow in one sitting.” He grunted. “Let alone when you feel guilty for the bit of the hamburger and you share it with your starving children instead.”
“That’s why you’re still feeding seity to the Family?”
“If I survive, I don’t want to do it alone. What is eternal life without anyone to share it with?” He glanced over at her. “Cora…Ringmaster still needs to be stopped. You need to kill him.”
“I know.” She paused. “How do I know you’re not just playing to my sympathies? And you’re not secretly some terrible, evil monster?”
“I suppose you don’t.”
“Great.” She put her head back down.
“Will you do it?”
She swallowed the rock in her throat. “Yeah. Yeah. I guess I will. If I’ll kill for Emily, why won’t I kill for Simon and everyone else?”
“Because the threat isn’t real enough to you yet. You don’t hate Ringmaster in the same way you hated Duncan. I’m worried that before this is all over, you very well might.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Raising her head, she looked at him. He was gazing off out of the tent, the expressive lines of his face drawn into a look of pure dread. “Laz, what’s going to happen?”
“I can’t say for certain. But if I’m right, then…you should know that I can’t save you. That I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry. But I can’t. I’m weak and dying. I’m small. And in that place, I have no power.”
She sat up then and moved closer to him. “Laz…what’s going to happen?”
He shut his eyes and shook his head. “Believe me or not, I care about you. I care about you all a great deal. You are my children. My family. It’s my role to provide for you. To ensure that you are all happy. I have done a terrible job. I still don’t understand you creatures. I give you all the comforts that you request. But happiness is so much more than that, isn’t it?”
She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. He felt warm beneath her hand—he felt alive. She could feel the slightly scratchy fabric of his old-style cotton jerkin. He was staring down at his hands now, picking at his fingernails, and his expression was one of…grief. She frowned. He was about to cry. She could see the moisture in his eyes.
The giant, ancient, evil, man-eating murder-circus was sad. And that somehow broke her heart. Things like that shouldn’t feel. They should just be terrible, nightmarish, eldritch creatures who transcended such little, petty things as emotions. But she wondered if love and sadness weren’t so small after all. She shifted and, reaching out, hugged him. Pulled him against her and squeezed. “Hey. It’s all right.”
“I don’t believe it is, Cora. There are terrible things to come. Monstrous things that neither of us