The Faire (Harrow Faire #5) - Kathryn Ann Kingsley Page 0,26
you very much! Why are you talking to him? He isn’t real. I don’t know what he is, but that thing is not me, and—”
“Shut up!” His reflection rounded on him, charging up to him unexpectedly. “This is all your fault! If you weren’t so selfish for one second—one split second—”
“Wait.” Simon blinked. “Shadow? Is that you?” He cackled. “Oh! I understand now. Cora was having sex with this version of me. I thought she was just into weird…kinky…shadow things.” He wiggled his fingers at his reflection and wrinkled his nose. “This is such a relief, actually.”
His reflection cringed then glared. “Stop. This isn’t funny.”
“Wrong. This is hysterical. I’m hallucinating a dream between myself, Clown-who-is-now-Harrow-Faire, and my own shadow. This is priceless. And if you think I’m going to be moved to—”
His shadow punched him.
Decked him clean across the jaw.
It knocked him to the grass, and he groaned in pain. “Ow.”
Suddenly, he was on his back in the grass once more and someone was straddling his chest. Unfortunately, it was his reflection, and not Cora perched atop him this time. His shadow had the lapels of his crimson suitcoat fisted in both hands. “Shut up and listen, Puppeteer.”
“Fine, but—” His shadow shook him, bouncing his head off the dirt. He grunted and went quiet.
“I love her. I love her more than anything. More than life. And so do you! We are the same man. We’ve always been the same man. I’ve just been your crutch. Your emotional support. You want to know the truth? I’m not real. I know that. I used to think I was part of you…but I’m not. I’m the bucket where you put everything you’re too weak to feel.”
“I’m not—” His head bounced off the dirt again.
“She loves you. She loves you. She was willing to hold your hand for the rest of time knowing you hated every ounce of sympathy and compassion you ever had for her. She was willing to bear that burden, knowing we would never, ever, truly love her back. Not because we couldn’t—but because you didn’t want to. Because you didn’t want the inconvenience. The indignity. The sacrifice. So instead you’ll just ruin everything, like we’ve ruined everything we’ve ever touched!”
That time, Simon didn’t even have anything to say. He just looked up at his ranting shadow and let that part of him continue uninterrupted. That, and he didn’t want to have his head bounced off the ground again.
“If we can save her…if we can pull her from that pit…then we’re going to do it. Even if it destroys us. We’re dead anyway! Don’t you understand? This is the end. This is it for us. But if she can go on—if she can survive—then it’s worth it. Then our lousy, miserable life was worth something in the end. Because god knows we’ve been nothing but a curse on everything around us up until now! I’m not asking you to be a hero, Simon. I’m not asking you to be the good guy. I’m asking you to not be such a coward. Love her. Be brave enough to try. Or did you abandon that part of you too?”
Simon put his hand on the back of one of the ones gripping his coat.
His shadow cringed, his eyes watering. “Do you know how badly I wish we could trade places? How much I want to wake up in that bed with her? How much I—I love her? How much I would give just to be able to see her laugh again…?”
“Yes.” He squeezed the hand beneath his gently. “I do.”
Tears rolled down his shadow’s cheeks unchecked as he gripped Simon’s clothing tighter, shaking him once more. “Then do something about it. Save her. Protect her. Love her. Because I…because I won’t be around to do it for you anymore.”
Simon furrowed his brow. “What?”
“I can’t be your crutch anymore. I can’t be your excuse.” His shadow climbed off him then, wiping at his face. He pulled in a shaking breath and looked up at the blue sky, dotted in white clouds. “I’m afraid. After all this time, I’m afraid. I wasn’t ever real to begin with. But I still…felt real. I felt like I was a person. I guess that’s all it takes to be afraid to die.” He wiped his sleeve across his nose. “Tell her I said goodbye. Tell her I said I love her. And whatever you do, Simon Waite,” his shadow looked down at him, “don’t you ruin this too.”