The F It List - Alexis Winter Page 0,21

at me since our kiss. “You didn’t really respond very well, if you didn’t notice.”

“How did you want me to respond?”

“I don’t know, but not like that. Not like I just slapped you across the face.” That sounds harsh, but I don’t know how else to put it.

“I was just surprised is all.”

“Fair enough,” I say. “If there are things on your list that you don’t want me to help with, just say so.”

“Grayson, I just told you that there are some things I want to be real—not fake or pretend or done out of pity. That’s what all this is, isn’t it? You feel bad because I got left at the altar, so you decided to help me out? It’s not like you’re doing it because you like me or something. So thank you for everything you’ve done, but please, keep some distance. I didn’t want a fake kiss in the rain. I wanted a real kiss in the rain. A kiss from someone who wanted to kiss me.”

“And what makes you think I didn’t want to kiss you?” I ask, pulling to the side of the road in front of her building.

“You never have before,” she says, unbuckling and climbing out, leaving me alone in the car.

I watch her from my seat as she rushes across the sidewalk and into her building, no longer in sight. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Argh. How did I fuck this up? I thought that moment was the perfect time for our first kiss. I mean, we’d been having fun and laughing. She blew me away with her singing. And then we were running through the rain. She got her real kiss in the rain. Why doesn’t she see it?

I guess maybe it’s because I haven’t told her how I feel. But I’m worried that if I do, she’ll freak out and run. I mean, she just got out of a rather shitty relationship. She’s not looking to get into another one right now with anyone, let alone someone she works with.

I shake my head at myself and pull out into traffic, heading home to try to figure out a way to fix this.

Five

Cora

As I’m lying in bed in my dark bedroom with rain pouring down the window, all I can think about is that kiss. How warm it was. How good it felt. How I had tingles rushing my entire body from one kiss. And from Grayson, no less! He’s sexy, funny, sweet, and honestly just the best guy I’ve ever met. He’s always kind, and always thinking of others first. He’s not a player even though he looks good enough to be one. And I kissed Grayson! Well, actually, Grayson kissed me. And it was amazing. If only it’d been real.

During that kiss, I was on cloud nine. I was ready to pull him into his car and crawl on top of him, kissing the life out of him. But he said those words: Now you can check that off your list too.

The list. Everything is about the list. My stomach sinks and leaves me feeling sick. First off, it’s concerning that I wanted that kiss as badly as I did. I thought I’d been keeping my distance. I thought I was holding my ground—that I wasn’t getting too close. That kiss proved me wrong. I like Grayson. I want Grayson. Why can’t I be one of those girls who’s just down to have fun and accept it when it’s time to end things? Like Harley. Harley was always like that . . . until she met Foster, anyway.

I’ve never been able to just relax with a guy; I’ve always been worried if he liked me or not. Grayson was the first guy I’ve been able to just be myself with. But now that I know I like him—now that we’ve kissed—I won’t even be able to do that anymore.

Or maybe this is the perfect guy to try this out on. I know he doesn’t like me. The fact that I have a little crush is usually enough to make me go crazy. With Grayson, I can learn how to control myself—learn how to remain myself no matter who’s around. I just have to figure out where all of this will leave Grayson and me when it’s time to move on. I don’t want to hurt him in any way. If possible, I’d like for our newfound friendship to remain intact.

I guess Grayson and I