Eye of the Storm - By Hannah Alexander Page 0,68

in this lifetime.”

Megan gave him the last of her cookie. Could God really be in this? And if so, why use her?

“I would never marry a man for his money,” she said.

“I know.”

“I had begun to think maybe you and I…you know…might be right for each other,” she said. “But I’ve realized that I’m not right for you.”

“I thought perhaps you’d decided I wasn’t right for you.”

“No. There’s a big difference. You need a woman who’s strong and filled with love for God and ready to plunge right into your mission.”

“Why?”

“Well, because that’s what you need. Someone to work beside you.”

“Are you saying I can’t do the job I’ve been doing all these years by myself?”

Megan shook her head. “I practically grew up in church, you know. My parents didn’t attend much, but I was there all the time, especially when I stayed with the Marshals because Kirstie was always active in her church, and I spent a lot of weekends with them. After catching my mother with Barry, and after I saw all Kirstie and Lynley went through because of Barry’s behavior, I pretty much gave up on waiting for God to come along and make things right again.”

“What do you feel God should have done, when it was human choice that caused the suffering in the first place?”

Megan shrugged. “All I know is that one day I flat-out told God I didn’t want to be a pawn in His game of chess any longer. I didn’t see how living by His rules made things any easier than living without them. In fact, I saw more Christians suffer than unbelievers.”

“You can’t see into the human heart, though, Megan. And you can’t see past this life. If you could see things from God’s point of view—”

“Which I can’t—”

“—then you’d see a whole different picture.”

“But there’s never a break for you, Gerard. I mean, you take hit after hit and you keep on going, and I can’t see how you do it. You talk about storms. I know hurricanes are long and destructive, but even with them there’s always an eye to the storm. You never get that eye.”

“Oh, yes I do. The storm is always there, but since you arrived at the mission, you’ve been the eye to my storm. When I see families find a home, that’s an eye to my storm. We help people who will never stand on their own two feet and take care of themselves, but we also see happy endings. Those are great breaks. But Megan, since you came to us, I’ve always believed you were going to be the relief I needed. I don’t need someone to work beside me, but I would like someone there when I get home at night.”

Megan caught her breath. He’d never spoken so forthrightly before. “And I left.”

“The way I saw it, you left the pain of the mission, and you were called here for a reason. I never considered that you left me personally.”

“But I don’t have the strength it takes to live the kind of life you live.”

“I didn’t ask you to. All I ask is that you follow God’s calling for you, not His calling for me. I saw something in you there that seemed to grow the longer you were at the mission, and it was for patients. You just got caught in a terror that wasn’t of your making. You’re wounded now, but you learn and grow from tragedies such as this so that maybe you’ll be able to recognize it when it happens again.”

“It’s not going to happen to me.”

“You can’t hide from life, and you can’t continue to blame yourself for someone else’s evil.”

His chin was so firm, his blue eyes so confident. He had a faith she’d never be able to comprehend. There was no mistaking the strength in his expression.

“You can’t predict the future, Megan.” His voice washed her with tenderness. “You had no way of knowing what that crazed man would do.”

“But I should have realized he was drugged. I should have known there was a possibility he would try something.” She should have made Joni leave the exam room when the killer first stepped through the door.

The nightmare was suddenly surrounding her again. She couldn’t do this. “I had a weapon I could have used in time to protect her and her unborn baby.” No matter how often she’d tried, she could not forget watching the life leave Joni’s eyes.

“Don’t take this burden alone, Megan.”

“I could