little as he gazed at Aaron. “I can do a single tail, but not for very long. About the time it’s starting to become the kind of pain he wants, it stops being what I can handle dishing out.”
“Too much?”
Lips tight, he nodded, and then he looked at me through his lashes. “Once it reaches that level, I’m worried about actually hurting him. And like I said before, I’m not, strictly speaking, a sadist. I’m a service top. And there came a point when I just…” He shook his head, watching his fingers comb through Aaron’s hair as he whispered more to himself than me, “I couldn’t do it.”
“That makes sense.” I paused to cap the lotion bottle. “I had a hard time with that at first too.”
“Is that right?”
“Yep. But the Dom who taught me was really experienced with all kinds of sadism. Like the guy was into everything—knife play, blood play, erotic asphyxiation. None of that was my cup of tea, but when a guy who can do all of that safely tells me how much whipping or hot wax a person can take?” I nodded sharply. “I listen.”
“Smart,” Will said. “I had a Dom like that take me under my wing for a while too. Both when I was first learning about kink, and when I started dating Aaron. In fact, Aaron had a friend who was a much more experienced sadist than me, and she understood the kind of masochist he was, so for probably the first six months or so we were together, she was like my mentor.” He gazed at Aaron, still absently stroking his hair. “She was the only Dominant I was ever comfortable with the two of us playing with, because she wasn’t dominating either of us—she was showing me how to top him the way he wanted.”
“Oh wow.” I shifted a bit so I was resting on one arm, and idly trailed my fingertips along the groove of Aaron’s spine. “Amazing what a difference it makes, having a mentor for something like this.”
“No kidding. If we’d just fumbled our way through it on our own…” He shook his head. “I think that would’ve been a disaster. I know some people do just fine like that, but given how little experience I had and how much pain Aaron likes? Having someone hold my hand and show me how to do it was the way to go.”
“What about you?” I tilted my head. “Were you already a Dom? Or did that kind of evolve with Aaron?”
“I was already.” His hand drifted down, and his finger ran along the edge of Aaron’s black leather collar. “From the first time someone told me about dominance and submission, I knew I was a Dom. I knew I could be a sadist for a masochist. The boyfriend I had before Aaron was into some light pain play, and that was hot for me because it was hot for him. So when I met Aaron…” He grinned as he trailed off.
“But it’s only been this past year or so that you realized…” I didn’t know how to finish the thought without saying something like “you’re not enough for him.” That would be a kick in the balls for any guy, but especially for a Dom.
Will’s grin faded a little. “Yeah. We were pretty much in sync for years, but then like we said, we did some experimenting, and quite by accident opened up Pandora’s box. Once Aaron knew he could handle that level of pain, and that he wanted to, he couldn’t get it out of his mind, but we both knew I couldn’t take him there.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but hesitated, letting my gaze land on Aaron. I watched his crisscrossed and tattooed back slowly rise and fall with every breath he took. How soon was too soon to start asking really personal questions? This was only the second night I’d met the two of them. The first time we’d played beyond some blowjobs in the living room. So—
“Kelly?”
I met Will’s gaze, and the crevices between his eyebrows said he’d noticed my hesitation. Oh hell. Why not? It was probably something we should get out on the table anyhow. Like maybe before we started playing any more than we had tonight.
So I took a breath. “If I hadn’t come along, and you guys didn’t find a submissive sadist… I mean, what would have happened? To…” I gestured at each of them.