I flipped out because I’ve worried all along that if he…” I hesitated. How did I word this without making him defensive? Finally, I settled on, “I need to know something.”
He held my gaze, forehead creased and expression full of worry.
Steeling myself, I said, “Am I enough for you? If it’s just you and me from here on out, is that enough?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation, sincerity taking over for the worry in his eyes. “You’ve always been enough. I mean, neither of us is ever going to meet a hundred percent of the other’s needs. It’s life, and we both know that. We always have. But yes, as much as anyone on this planet ever could be, you are enough for me.”
I wanted to believe him, just like I had the last few times we’d talked about this. I really did. “What about pain play?” I sighed. “I know you. You never would have pushed that hard for something, and it never would have been such a big issue for us, if it wasn’t important to you. If you need something I can’t give…”
He chewed his lip, and after a moment, he looked in my eyes. “I can’t tell you I have it all figured out and I know how to work around that. I don’t have a solution. But I do know there there’s nothing I get from pain play that’s worth losing you. Yes, I wanted that play, and I still do, but especially after the way things went down last night…” Aaron winced, shaking his head, and he looked me right in the eyes as he spoke, his voice unsteady but determined: “If I took away anything from last night, it’s that I would rather find a way to live without that than even think about living without you.”
My heart sped up. “Really?”
“Of course.” Cautiously, he stepped closer, and he whispered, “I’m sorry. I never meant to break the rules, and oh my God, I never meant to make you feel like you weren’t enough for me. You’re everything to me, Will.”
I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I reached for him instead, and he came into my arms with what sounded like a sigh of relief. We embraced tightly, and I closed my eyes as I just held him close. There was still a lot to work through, and this wouldn’t magically put everything back on the rails, but we’d get there. Right now, I had Aaron in my arms, and he was holding on to me as fiercely as I was holding on to him. In that moment, nothing else mattered.
Just let us find our footing. Then we’ll find the path again.
I drew back and looked in his eyes. “I’m sorry. We both said a lot last night, and…” I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” He chewed his lip. “When you didn’t come to Bold Brew today, I was afraid… I mean, I thought…”
I winced. I’d considered going, but I’d been so afraid he wouldn’t be there, I’d talked myself out of it. “We’re both here now.”
Nodding, he said, “Yeah. But how do we do this?”
“I’m not sure.” I ran my fingers through his hair. “We’ll figure it out. I just know that all I ever want is to be everything you need. But we both know that’s not possible. No one can be absolutely everything for someone.”
“Except you are.” Aaron shook his head. “There’s nobody who could ever fill your shoes. Ever.”
“Maybe, but there are things you need that I can’t give. I can’t give you that kind of pain, and I can’t be Kelly.” I cupped his face, and my voice was a little thick as I said, “What I want more than anything is for you to be happy.”
“I am. As long as I’m with you, I am.” His voice was shaky, little more than a ragged whisper, as he said, “I love you, Will.”
“I love you too.”
His brow pinched. “What about Kelly?”
My phone was suddenly heavy in my pocket, laden with unanswered texts. But I was even less sure how to answer them now. And as much as it killed me to leave Kelly twisting in the wind, I hoped he’d forgive me a little more time to make sure I knew what to say.
“We’ll get there.” I caressed Aaron’s cheek. “Right now, let’s just… First, I need to be with you.”