we’ve been poly with him. For a while.” I swallowed hard. “So the question is, do keep doing what we’re doing? Or keep enforcing our rule? I mean, assuming we can convince Kelly to—”
“You want to be poly now?” Will’s voice had an angry undercurrent that made my pulse pound.
I moistened my lips. “I think we’ve been poly with him. So we might as well—”
“And how long will that work?” he snapped. “How long before you decide he’s all you need?”
I stared at him.
Will sighed heavily. “We got into more pain than we used to, and then what I could do for you wasn’t enough. We brought Kelly into our bedroom, and now that he’s gone, you feel like something is missing.” He threw up his hands. “Where does it end, Aaron? At what point do you decide the common denominator is me not being enough for you?”
I stared at him, speechless for a few long seconds. “You’re… Of course you’re enough for me.”
“Except when it comes to giving you pain.” He set his jaw. “And now… I mean, look me in the eye and tell me there won’t be something missing now that he’s gone.”
“I…” What the hell was I supposed to say to that? Of course there’d be something missing. But that didn’t mean there was something missing between us.
“You wanted this,” Will growled. “And I agreed to it because I wanted you to be happy, but I said from day one—and you said from day one—that poly wasn’t—”
“But look how it worked out! No, it’s not what we set out to do, but don’t try to tell me you don’t have feelings for him.” I flailed a hand. “You spend more time with him than I do!”
“Are you telling me you have feelings for him that make it worth gambling with us?”
“I’m not suggesting we gamble with us!” I threw up my hands. “I’m suggesting we already have something with him, so instead of letting him go when it’s obviously hurting all three of us, we should—”
“Are you in love with him?”
My teeth snapped shut.
Will looked right at me, his expression hard. “Well? Are you?”
How the fuck was I supposed to answer that? Because I wasn’t going to lie to my husband. My Dom. My best friend. And at the same time, if I answered truthfully, I’d hurt him.
Breaking eye contact, Will sighed heavily and got up. “Jesus.”
“Will.” I stood too. “Don’t tell me you don’t have feelings for him too. Don’t tell—”
“I made a commitment to you,” he said through his teeth. “If you needed someone to give you what I can’t, then fine, I’ll make sure you have what you need. But you weren’t supposed to—”
“Tell me you didn’t fall for him too.” My voice shook and my throat was tight. “Come on. I’ve seen the way you look at him.”
“So…what?” He glared at me. “What is it you want? To have both of us? What happens if I say no? Huh? Then what? How long are you going to resent me for—”
“You say that like you won’t resent me for having feelings for him.”
“And why shouldn’t I, Aaron?” Now his voice was wavering a little, and the tears in his eyes cut deeper than the anger. “We did this so you could have what you need, but there were lines. Those lines were there because I don’t want to lose you. And now…” He flailed a hand.
“You’re not going to lose me,” I ground out. “But do you want to lose him?”
“Does it matter what I want?” He narrowed his eyes, which did nothing to hide the shine. “Because I’m pretty sure you’ve already made up your mind.”
“Will, I—”
“What can I say? Tell me. Because I don’t have a fucking clue. You obviously want him, and—”
“And so do you! I’m not suggesting we bring him back for my benefit. If it hurts this much to let him go, then maybe we shouldn’t be—”
“Then maybe we shouldn’t have done this in the first place.” Before I could speak, he put up his hands. “You figure out what you want, Aaron. You know where I stand.”
With that, he walked out. I watched him until he’d disappeared up the stairs, my heart in my throat as blood pounded in my ears.
I wanted to go after him and keep hashing this out until we’d found our way back to us, but he was too angry, I was too hurt, and all we’d do was fight until we hurt