it feels great. He’s fun. He’s smart. He’s absolutely the kind of person I’d hang out with if things were a hundred percent platonic, you know?”
“Mmhmm.” Tom arched an eyebrow. “So what’s the problem?”
“That is the problem. I know, I know, it doesn’t make sense, but…” I rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger, then let my hand drop to my desk. “To be blunt, I feel things for Kelly that I don’t think I should. My biggest fear in the world is losing Will, but I… I don’t want to lose Kelly either. And it’s not just the kink.”
Tom watched me silently, his expression unreadable. I fully expected some sort of “cry me a river” remark from Tom. Not because he was an asshole like that, but because his struggle to find one guy who wasn’t a dick to him was a bit of a sore spot. And he would’ve been well within his rights to roll his eyes and tell me to call him when I had an actual problem.
After a moment, though, he said, “You guys still aren’t down with the poly thing?”
“We…” I chewed my lip, deflating as I pressed back against my chair. “Will and I have always said we’re fine with play partners, but relationship-wise, we’re monogamous.”
“Okay, great, you’ve always said that.” He shrugged dismissively. “But that was before you knew Kelly existed, and it was before you developed any feelings for him. Maybe it’s time for the two of you to revisit that conversation.”
I avoided his gaze. “Would you think I was a coward if I said I’m terrified of having that conversation?”
“No,” he said simply. “Because you’ve got a lot at stake here. I get it. But it’s not going to do any of you any good to just let it quietly fester, you know? And dude, even if you didn’t set out to be poly, it kind of sounds like being poly happened anyway. Knowing you, you’re going to try to find every loophole and technicality to define this as something other than polyamory, but at the end of the day…” He shrugged apologetically. “It sounds like poly is what you are. The only question is whether you want to stick with your not-poly rule? Or stick with your very poly arrangement?”
Well, fuck. I couldn’t argue with him, could I? I mean, I could—I was as good a lawyer as he was—but he was right and we both knew it.
Sighing, I tapped my foot under the desk to release some nervous energy. “I don’t even know. I really don’t. And God knows what Will or Kelly feel, or what they think, or…” I waved my hand.
Tom watched me over the desk. “Well, either way, I think you and the guys need to talk about all this sooner than later. You and Will, and also the two of you and Kelly. Lay out what you’re feeling. Ask them what they’re feeling.” He shrugged tightly. “It might not be an easy conversation, and you might not like the conclusions you come to, but it’s kind of like ignoring cancer symptoms—yeah, it’s terrifying to get the diagnosis and figure out treatment, but the alternative is letting the tumor keep growing because you’re too scared to put a name on it.”
“Comparing it to a tumor sounds…ominous.”
Tom huffed. “I don’t mean… I’m not comparing the relationship between you guys to a tumor. I mean the tension and the unresolved issues. It’s that proverbial elephant in the room, except this elephant has a temper, and the longer you ignore it, the more likely it is to lose that temper.” His lips quirked. “Or…something. You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do.”
He sounded sympathetic as he said, “Good luck, man. That does not sound like a simple thing to figure out.”
I laughed humorlessly. Tom left my office, and I stared at my computer screen as if I even remembered what I’d been doing. I had the District Attorney’s email address in the To: line, but that was as far as I’d gotten, and hell if I knew where I’d been going with it.
I sat up, pressed my elbow into my desk, and rubbed my throbbing forehead. Tom was right. Will, Kelly, and I needed to talk, and soon.
Except Kelly had a ton on his plate right now—his siblings were coming in this week to deal with the house and whatever remained unresolved of their father’s estate. Of course, about the time he’d wrapped that up, Will would probably