My purse slackens on my shoulder as my posture slumps from the crash of adrenaline. “You son of a bitch,” I rip my eyes away and walk toward his office window, staring out for several seconds while I try to wrap myself around it. “Damn you, I’ve been sick trying to figure out a way to confess this to you.” I turn back to see he’s close.
“Feel better?” He offers a weak smile.
“Jesus, Tobias. I didn’t think I could hate you, but…” I fight every surfacing emotion.
“You should. You should have all along.”
“But I didn’t.” I feel numb. Close to numb, but he’ll never win in completely desecrating my heart. It’s the one thing I’ve kept despite all the loss, hurt, and betrayal. It’s the one thing my father never allowed himself to give over entirely, and that Tobias battles to keep out of reach from everyone who’s loved him, especially me. But it’s not because he doesn’t love me, it’s because he can’t lose me. I can’t be another casualty in his war with life.
That’s what broke us.
History is painfully repeating itself.
And I saw it the minute it happened, the second he snapped. It was the look on his face when I held his dead brother in my arms. Equivalent to that of Roman seeing a loaded gun pointed at his infant daughter.
The look he gave me before he walked away from me was one of utter resolution.
Love will never win with men like Roman and Tobias.
He would rather lose me in life than risk my death, my blood on his hands.
It’s the coward’s way out. His resignation to leave his heart out of it. To leave me out of it.
But I’ll never let mine grow cold despite the damage done or the havoc it’s wreaked. And for that one victory, I’m thankful the blood still runs crimson, still beats faithfully in my chest. I study him carefully and can’t find a single trace of resentment.
“I don’t understand how you’re so calm.”
“I’ve had years to deal with it. To put it all in perspective. I don’t have many regrets. I’m still doing what I was meant to do regardless of the reasons it started and—” he lets out a long breath.
“And?”
“And the night I met with your father, my war with him ended.”
“But you still bought his company.”
“Because the board is full of corrupt pricks who constantly robbed their employees, he was one of them, and it was a good deal.”
“So, you were never going to tell me?”
“I knew it could destroy your relationship with your mother.”
“I’m so fucking lost,” I say hoarsely before I let out a disbelieving laugh. “And with you, I always will be.”
“That’s why you need to leave, Cecelia. This place has never been good for you.”
“Stop blaming the place. It’s just a fucking place. It’s the people in my life who’ve deceived me and robbed my sanity. I can’t believe you knew.”
He leans against his desk, clasping his hands. “Even though your dad was crooked as fuck for covering it up, he didn’t kill them in cold blood. Instead of losing my shit over it, I was glad. I was glad I didn’t have to hate him anymore because it meant I could keep my promise without resenting you for it. Until…”
“Dominic died.” I can barely hear my own voice. I don’t know how I’ll ever look at my mother the same way. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll disappear on her the way she did me. I’ve suffered horribly because of her secrets. Maybe I’ll punish her for the years I’ve spent in purgatory to make sure she is taken care of. For years after that, I’ve been trying to piece myself back together while she’s lived in luxury with her fucking silence. Maybe I will hold it against her, for the life my father lost covering her mistake, and for the explanation I deserved about his absence.
Tobias speaks up. “The truth is my parents died in a horrible accidental fire started by a very scared and pregnant teenage girl.”
“And you forgave her?”
“I had to. One day maybe you will too.”
“I don’t know how much forgiveness I have left in me.”
He silently nods. Even though he looks defeated, there’s a calmness inside him, one I haven’t seen in years.
“You seem…different.”
“Seeing you…you coming back here has stirred up shit…shit I’ve been avoiding for too long.”