“I had a moment,” I admit sheepishly. “It was stupid. It’s over.”
Once behind the wheel he regards me carefully. “You’ve been having moments since we got here.”
“I know, okay? I know. I’ve just been feeling a little restless lately.”
“What exactly happened here?”
“Too much to explain, and too unbelievable for you to imagine.”
I turn to him, resigned. I trust Ryan with my life. He’s the one and only person who’s helped me with my side hustle in bringing the most notorious down. He’s proven himself time and time again. “Am I really losing you?”
“Yes. Answer the question.”
“I did answer you, just before you resigned.”
“This shit right here is why I’m not changing my mind.”
He starts the car and takes off, driving me toward my father’s house.
“I don’t want to go back there.”
“Tough shit. You need to really think about what you’re doing. You’ve all but declared war on a man who does nothing but glare at you.”
“Haven’t noticed.” I stare out the window as clusters of evergreens pass in a blur. “I’m sorry for the trouble.”
“It’s fine, Cee, just, I’m worried.” He glances over at me. “Just tell me how I can help fix the real problem.”
“You can’t. No one can. He knows what I want, and until he gives it to me, I’m stuck here in limbo.” I cover his arm with my hand over the console. “You can go home. I’m set up here now. I have to see this through.”
“Look at what just happened. You think I’ll leave you here to deal with it alone?”
“It’s the only way to deal with it,” I say, resigned. “It’s time, Ryan. I’ve got to do this myself.”
I turn back to the passing landscape and see we’re already on the long road back to the house. “Our business is concluded; it’s all personal now.”
I can feel his blue eyes on me but decide not to acknowledge it as he pulls up to the gate, and I give him the code. He whistles in appreciation as we draw closer to the house. “Nice.”
“It’s a great big fucking lie.”
He frowns. “What do you mean?”
“I mean there’s no life inside that house. It’s haunted. Want a tour?”
“I do, but I won’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ll try to kiss you. And you won’t let me.”
“Ryan—”
He grips the wheel irritated. “I fucking hate this. I hate the fact that I have to go home and find another job.” He turns to me. “But I will. And I’ll find another woman to love. A more beautiful woman, a smarter woman, a woman who isn’t in love with someone else. Should be easy,” he drawls sarcastically.
I lean over and kiss his jaw. “You will find her, Ryan. I know you will. Don’t settle. And when you resent me a little less and love her a lot more, please reach out to me. I already miss you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’ve got me. You’ve done your job.”
He shakes his head. “This doesn’t feel right. I can wait.”
“I’m under his protection here. He’ll be hard-pressed to admit it, but you don’t have to worry about my safety. Trust me. I’m not. Go home. Find that job, but take a salary until you do. But I know someone who could really use you.”
“It won’t be the same.”
“Collin needs you more than I do right now.”
He nods. “Way to guilt me, Cee.” He runs a hand over his jaw. “Fuck, I feel like my band is breaking up.”
“It’s just life. People come and go. But I don’t want to lose you, totally. Not you, Ryan. Promise me that you’ll eventually reach out to me.”
“I will. I was going to stand by and watch you marry another man. I promise we’re good.” He runs his hands along the steering wheel before bringing his dejected gaze back to mine. “I had to try, didn’t I? Isn’t that why you’re here?”
I nod. A piece of my heart breaking. This is the damage I’ve caused by just showing up to Triple Falls. By setting Collin free. Another casualty to add in the wake of my reckless heart. “I love you,” he says with surety. “No matter what.”
“Love you too.”
Defeated, he thumps his head back on the rest and turns to me. “Now get out of my car, you reek of weed and teenage angst.”
Smiling tearfully, I step out and stare up at the house. Feeling my hesitation, Ryan speaks up from where he sits behind me.
“He loves you, you know.” I turn back to where he sits. “Not that I’m