way more at the time and I didn't realize it? I'd been too lost with trying to help him ease his pain that I hadn't thought about anything else. I was going to be sick. I'd meant to look up the words but I'd forgotten.
I should've known. I really should have known. I knew Kova expressed himself through touch, through his kiss, through sex. I just never would've thought this was what he was trying to tell me.
Ignorance at its finest when someone else is trying to heal another's pain.
I looked away and tried to focus on the tumbling pass I needed to complete. I tried to think about each skill, the physics of it, then visualized it.
In the corner of my eye I could sense someone shaking their head no. I saw someone move.
But it didn't register.
Leaning into the tumbling pass, I attempted to concentrate on the skill at hand, but it all happened in the blink of an eye.
I took a few steps, power hurdling into a round off, into the back handspring that I made sure to extend and not undercut—and my mind flashed to last night when Kova spoke in Russian—my feet punched the floor and I raised my arms as high as I could reach and began rotating into the twist—hearing the words in Russian that I thought he was asking for help, the way he looked at me—turning into the first twist, rotating my hips back again into the second flip, but something happened, and I panicked in the air before I could complete the skill.
I freaked out mid-flight.
I didn't execute the second twist and my body moved of its own accord. I shifted and turned however my body wanted to with little to no control to stop it. Every once in a blue moon this happened, and when it did, I couldn’t control it. It was impossible. The only thing my brain could process was folding myself into a ball so I didn’t break a bone on the way down.
And so, that's what I did. I hugged myself tight as my back made impact with the floor. I hit so hard, my arms shook and loosened, my knees hit my cheekbones. My head flopped back, the back of my head hitting the carpeted spring floor, and I choked out a breath of air. My body ricocheted, and I came loose until I flipped over again, landing haphazardly on the floor, this time trying miserably to catch myself.
Panting hard, I clutched my injured ankle, pain shot through me. Somewhere in between I hurt myself trying to land, but I couldn't figure out where. It didn't feel like my Achilles, more like a twist, but I couldn't think straight to focus on it.
I rolled onto my back and held my ankle until I rolled onto my knees and tried to force myself to stand quickly to roll it off my back, like nothing happened. I held my breath. No tears fell. I wouldn't let them, because I knew if I did, I would lose everything, and I wouldn't be able to stop.
Kova came running onto the floor and I eyed him with disgust and disappointment. He tried to help me stand, but I brushed him away. He tried again.
"Ria," he said low, trying to help, gathering me into his arms.
"Get the hell away from me," I nearly cried and pushed his hands away. "I'm fine."
"Please," he begged, trying to lift me. "Let me help you."
"Help me?" I said, scoffing sarcastically. I stood up, unable to make eye contact with him. Pushing back the tears, I choked out, "You've done plenty."
I limped off the floor toward the exit, but the only way to leave was to pass Katja. I exhaled a sigh and put on a façade of happiness and made my way into the lobby.
I'd never been so terrified in my life to meet someone face-to-face. I knew, deep down in my gut, I knew Katja knew the truth. There was no denying it.
"Congrats, Katja," I bit out with a cheerful smile while balancing on one foot.
"Spasibo," she responded, her eyes twinkling.
Thank you. I deciphered that one. I smiled again and went to walk past her.
"You know, Konstantin wanted to keep it between us for the past couple of months, but I could not wait any longer," she said exuberantly. "I just wanted to shout it from the top of my lungs."
"The past couple of months?" I asked against my better judgment. I had to