sure what happened, but something deep inside me shifted. The fear that had consumed my attention like a foggy, misty cloud that threatened to smother me lifted into thin air and dissolved. It scurried at the sound of conviction, the confidence too strong to be held down. I swallowed back my emotions and nodded, nodding at what, I wasn't sure, but agreeing with whatever he was putting off.
I relied on him more than I knew.
"Shake it out," he said gently. Kova clutched my shoulders and massaged them, coaxing me to loosen up. I released an extremely long, tension filled breath.
"Good. Now get out there and show me what you got. I did not spend all that time molding you into the perfect gymnast for nothing."
I gave him a droll stare. "Way to ruin the moment, Kova."
He chuckled lightly and I smiled.
I showed him everything. And I made sure to give my all, more than I felt I did with my last three routines, so I couldn't have any regrets. My calf throbbed painfully to the point that I feared I tore something, but I shook it off and ignored it. I pushed and pushed, and when the big screen flashed with my final score, the combined score of both sets of routines I needed to test as elite, a tiny gasp fell from my parted lips.
Frozen. Dazed. Stunned.
I was rendered speechless as I stared at the numbers, quickly doing the math in my head to make sure they were correct. Cheerful laughter erupted around me, but I couldn't hear any of it. Madeline pulled me into a tight hug, rubbing my back. She was speaking to me, but I still couldn't hear her words despite how close she was, I could only see her lips move. A friendly smile tugged at my mouth from the contagiousness of her excitement. She turned at the call of her name and walked away.
Frantic but silent, I stood there until I was lifted into someone else's arms.
Kova.
"See what happens when you let go of fear?"
I didn't say anything. I just inhaled his scent that reminded me of cinnamon and warmth, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I dropped my head into the curve of his neck and smiled against him.
"You win, malysh. You win." His lips brushed against my neck and I panicked slightly since we were in public. "You persevered with a purpose and you let your passion shine. This is only the beginning of small victories that will lead to big dreams. Triumph above all."
Kova lowered me to the floor. I stood before him, gazing into his eyes, studying his face. Appreciating all he did for me. My heart softened around his words. My hands came up and covered my mouth as it started to sink in. Tears burned my frantic eyes. I qualified elite!
"We did it." My voice cracked. Chills broke out on my skin and I bent my head down. I almost cried.
"No. You did it. You."
"But I couldn't have done it without you."
If he hadn't given me the courage I needed so desperately right before I went out on floor, I had a feeling we wouldn't be having the same conversation right now.
It was in that moment that I realized how much I relied—and trusted—in him.
He shrugged into me with his arms. "Semantics."
He pointed to the scoreboard above my head and smiled. Kova was ecstatic, and it tickled me.
"Want to take a picture of it?" he asked jokingly. I still couldn't believe it.
A year of challenging practices, days filled with frustration and tears, sweat and blood, and I’d finally done it.
I'd been so close to stepping out of bounds. I almost lost it all because I had a moment of uncertainty and doubted myself.
But Kova brought me back. He centered me and helped make my dream a reality, because he believed in me.
I owed him so much.
Forty-Four
My glory was short lived.
So was my energy.
After the meet, I was high on adrenaline and excitement, my body numb to everything. I was a mixture of feeling like I could walk on water and sleep for fifty hours.
The rest of the night was a blur. After dinner with my parents, we retired to their enormous suite on the top floor fit for royalty. Dad and Kova spoke over glasses of bourbon and vodka, while I was left to the scrutiny of my mom in the living room that overlooked the city. Hoarse chuckles and clandestine wisdom sifted innately around the suite.