ached to finish myself off. A little moan escaped me, but I resisted.
"Ria, what are you doing?"
I took a deep breath and texted the photos. "I shouldn't feel this way," I whispered.
Kova was quiet for a long moment before he said, "We know each other, Ria. I am not just some one-night stand or a guy you met three weeks ago. That is why you feel differently." He was right. Kova was completely right on why I wasn't furious with him. Had it been anyone else, I don't think I would've reacted that way.
"Fuck," he growled into the phone. He got the photos. "Holy shit… Fuck."
"That's how I feel." Then, I hung up.
Kova called back, but I didn't answer.
I scoffed, shaking my head as my trembling fingers flew over the keyboard. Everything I read for the next ten minutes said nothing but how melatonin was an all-natural remedy used to help treat insomnia. High doses could cause a solid six hours of sleep, which is what he must've given me.
I was torn. I remembered him telling me what he was giving me, along with the Motrin and other vitamins, I just hadn’t known then what melatonin was exactly or how potent it could be.
I dropped my forehead into my palm, utterly and completely confused. I stared at my crossed legs in a daze trying to figure out what I should do. A thousand questions flew at me all at once, but the most important question I had to ask myself was did I feel violated.
The answer struck my gut, drove up, and pierced my heart so fast.
The truth was, no, I did not.
I couldn't find it in my heart to feel any other way. Not because I feared the repercussions, or what anyone would think, or I was worried about my future, but because it was Kova, and I cared deeply for him. And no matter how fucked up this relationship was and what we were doing, deep down, I knew he cared about me too.
And to be honest, I liked it. A lot.
My phone rang again, but I ignored it.
I was too fixated on my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings.
A knock resonated at my door minutes later, breaking me free of my thoughts. I quickly slipped on the shirt I had on earlier, then ran to answer it, and found a completely disheveled and wide-eyed Kova gripping the doorframe.
Before he could utter a word, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside. Kova shifted on his feet. His usually heavy shielded emotions were bare to me.
"Why did you not answer my calls? Are you upset with me? Because fifteen minutes ago you asked me to come over, then you send me a very erotic photo of your pussy. Then you ignore me. You are sending me mixed signals."
My cheeks reddened. I flattened my lips. He was right, and it took me a minute to answer. Kova stepped toward me and looked down at my chest, then back up. My stupid nipples were still hard.
"I did not video or photograph your face. We both know the truth and that is what matters." Kova's eyes sharpened in my direction but his voice was gentle, apologetic. "Do not try and twist it for what it is not. I thought you would find the absolute forbidden beauty in it, but I am very sorry I upset you."
I glanced away. I stupidly did find beauty in it. He knew that because I asked for more.
"Listen, I thought the videos were really sexy, but next time I'd like to be awake."
I chuckled softly. What the fuck was wrong with me?
His eyes softened and he looked at the floor. He was embarrassed, ashamed. Two emotions last on my list I'd expect from him. He stared long before he surrendered and dipped his chin in agreement.
"I truly am sorry," he said quietly, unable to meet my forgiving gaze.
Kova dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a white, folded piece of paper. He flipped it over between his hands as if he was buying time. Lifting the paper, he looked at me and exhaled a tortuous sigh. His shoulders sagged, and I felt the weight he carried on them for a hundred men.
"Like everything that involves you, I probably should not do this, but I want you to read this." I glanced at him suspiciously. "I convey my thoughts better on paper," he stated. Which I already knew.