much for us. It shows you care, and honestly, I don't want that."
His brows furrowed. "Why do you not want it?
"Because it's not something I'm ever given."
"Ria." His voice rose. "Of course I care about you. I care about all of my gymnasts. I would not be here if I did not."
"Right, but you're not supposed to care this much," I stated.
"Why is it wrong that I do?"
I pulled back. "You don’t see the real issue, do you?"
"No, please enlighten me."
"Because then you have officially crossed the line. It's one thing to have sex with someone when you're not supposed to, sex doesn't have to come with strings attached. It's another thing entirely to care for them emotionally. Whether you want to admit it or not, we're crossing that line. You care for me far more than you’re obligated to; you would not do the same for the other girls. You know I'm right."
Kova flattened his lips and looked away. If I was being honest, I’d admit I cared far more than I should too. I knew in my heart I did. That’s why I was trying to create some distance between us.
When we were together—intimate or just having a conversation—it was explosive, the chemistry combustible. Only we mattered. I got him, he got me. We complimented each other in the most unusual way, and it just worked…when it shouldn’t have.
Kova glanced back at me. The onyx that flickered against the brilliant emerald of his eyes captured my attention. I stared back at him for a moment before he nodded, but just barely.
I knew him well enough to know that would be all the acknowledgment I would get, but now he knew too.
Thirty-One
Kova squatted down in front of me and put his hands on my knees.
"I am trying here, Ria, I really am. Let me be here for you as your coach right now, and nothing more."
"You don't see that this is more than what a coach does, Kova," I whispered. "I'm trying to keep more from happening. We were almost caught by Katja for Christ’s sake. I think we should take that as a warning, don't you?"
"I see your point, but with coaching you in the nature that I am, it brings more responsibility on both our parts. For you not to properly take care of yourself afterward physically hurts me. You will cause more damage to your body in the end. Let me help."
When I didn’t immediately answer, he dropped his head and rubbed the scruff on his jaw.
I released a sigh of frustration, then tapped the underside of his bicep. I put my hand out when he looked up. He didn’t hesitate, he took my hand and stood, helping me up in the process.
"Would you like for me to turn around as you get in?"
I stared at the ice cubes sloshing back and forth. "I’m not taking my clothes off, so no, you don't have to."
I sat on the side of the tub and dipped my toes into the frigid water. A chill zipped up my spine. I pulled them out and huffed out a breath. I couldn't go slow, so I took a deep breath and braced myself. Squeezing Kova's hands, I counted to three, then I placed both feet in and sank down. I yelled out, gasping as the water came up to my neck and slipped over the ledge. A shiver tore through me and my teeth began chattering instantly. The urge to pee hit hard.
"Christ on a stick! I hate this!"
Kova sat on the toilet lid and placed his elbows on his knees. He swiveled my way. "It is a little price we have to pay that will go a long way. Trust me."
I scowled at him. "Easy for you to say. You're not sitting in negative temperatures right now."
"Do not exaggerate. That is roughly ten degrees."
"Same shit, Kova," I spat. "How long do I need to be in here for?"
He glanced down at his watch. "I would say fifteen minutes will do just fine."
My eyes popped wide. I made it to eight minutes with Hayden. There was no way I would last that long. Fuck my life.
"While you are in there," he said, clasping his hands together, "I think now is a good time to talk to you about your future in gymnastics outside of the Olympics."
My eyebrows bunched together. "My future outside the Olympics?"
"Have you considered college yet?"
I pursed my lips together and pulled up my knees. My nipples were aching.