The Ex Factor - Erin McCarthy Page 0,77

he’d never had her. He was step one on the ladder to her success. Her fear of failure outweighed her love for him, and he couldn’t do anything about that. He wanted success too. Hell, he wanted people to see him as carrying on the Rivers legacy--but he didn’t have that same drive. Maybe she was right. He’d never been broke, had any true financial need. He didn’t know that burn.

Maybe their collaboration had run its course. Maybe he hadn’t told her soon enough how he felt. Maybe he shouldn’t have opened up a sexual can of worms with her at the cabin without telling her he’d never stopped caring about her and that sex would never be enough.

He stared at the empty space on his mantle where the Grammy had sat. Actually, it was the only thing that had been on the mantle, so now the piece of wood was really stark and glaringly empty. He had moved into this house but he hadn’t moved on.

The whiskey called to him. It beckoned, promising to soothe that tightness in his throat, to ease the tension in his shoulders, to remove that pressure from his chest.

So he went to the liquor cabinet and grabbed his open bottle. Then he turned and poured it all down the kitchen sink. It was altogether too tempting. He bitched all the time about not having control. So why in the hell would he let booze control him?

Instead of drinking, he picked up his guitar and poured himself in to his music.

Their music. His and Jolene’s.

It was their breakup album after all.

Eighteen

“Jolene,” Elle said, her voice soft. She reached out and tucked Jolene’s hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, baby, I know how much you’re hurting.”

That comfort from her sister made her cry even harder. Elle wasn’t one to offer comfort. There wasn’t a whole lot of nurturing instinct in her, so to have her, of all people touching her tenderly like she was dying, was both wonderful and awful all at once. Jolene was lying on her couch, clutching a throw pillow. Her eyes burned from crying. Her skin was itchy, her cheeks swollen. Her nose was leaking.

“I still don’t understand what actually happened,” Elle said.

Jolene wasn’t even sure herself at this point. She just knew she felt like crud. “He thinks we should spread our wings a little, separately. I should have talked to him more.” Suddenly she was doubting everything. “Shouldn’t I have?”

“Don’t look at me for advice.” Elle perched on the coffee table. “I have not had a functioning relationship with a man in the last three years. I wouldn’t ask me if I were you.”

“Who am I supposed to ask?” Jolene wiped her cheeks, then scrubbed them even harder. They were so damn itchy.

“Um, no one. You should trust yourself, for once. You walked out of there yesterday for a reason. Do you want to go back? Do you want to finish the album, be with Chance, have him move back in?”

“It’s complicated.” The answer was yes and no. It wasn’t black and white. But there was no way to explain that to Elle, because she didn’t entirely understand it herself. “I just know that when I’m with Chance, I feel the greatest pleasure and the greatest pain, you know? I think that means he’s not good for me.”

“Did you break up or not? I feel like you’re trying to either talk yourself into making it stick or talk yourself back out of it, and I can’t tell which it is.”

“Maybe it’s because last time it was a big scene with flying guitars and hurling accusations and this time, I don’t know, it’s like we just stood there and gave in to breaking up. All I know is that it hurts like hell, Elle.”

“I’m sorry, I truly am. I know you wanted this to work. But maybe sometimes if you have to shove a square peg into a round hole, it isn’t worth it.”

Jolene wanted to agree to that. Maybe she would someday. Today she thought it was bull. There was nothing square about Chance’s peg.

“It’s worth it.”

“But you were the one who said yes to Wayne without discussing it with Chance.”

She had. There was no denying that. “What are you saying?”

“Maybe he’s not the only one who needs to change.”

Elle’s words were profoundly true and equally horrible to hear. “I don’t know what to do.”

Her sister gave her a look. “Just get some sleep and give it some thought. Love