just getting established. She was touring a lot—not high-end touring back then, but more like back-of-a-van touring. We’d meet up for these very hot weekends, but then we’d go off in different directions. That relationship got me through my first year in New York. She might be the smartest woman I ever dated. She majored in music theory in college.”
“Did you learn anything?”
“About music theory, no. But come to think of it, I did learn that dirty texting is too fuckin’ embarrassing for me. I know everybody does it now, but I swear, the most boring things you do during sex sound totally deviant if you type them out. You’ve done something all your adult life and when you write it down, it’s like, ‘Who would do that?’ I remember trying to describe how I would kiss her shoulder—her fuckin’ shoulder!—and I felt like a farmer talking about how to knock up a horse. I might just be bad at it, though. Describing, not kissing.” He paused. “Are you blushing?”
“No,” she said. “I’m paying close attention.”
“Very wise, very wise,” he said. “Have you ever transcribed dirty talk?”
“I don’t know what you consider ‘dirty,’ ” she said. “I transcribed an interview with a guy who was studying the female orgasm, but he had a way of making it sound like a…like a red wine.”
“Hm. Tell me more.”
“I’m not sure he was exactly a scientist. He had all these descriptive words for, you know, orgasms. He called different ones ‘hearty’ and ‘vibrant’ or ‘light’ and ‘superficial.’ ”
“With oaky undertones,” he said.
“Right? It was very odd to me. But I wrote it all down. Weirdos are gonna weirdo. They’re part of the job.”
“I bet you read a lot when you were a kid,” Dean said, tilting his head a bit and, she was sure, picturing her as a funny little nerd, which she had, after all, been.
“I did,” she said. “But to be honest, my other big thing was the radio. My dad was out fishing six days a week for a lot of the year. He’d be gone from maybe five in the morning until dinner. Including all summer when I wasn’t in school. And once my mom left, that meant I was by myself a lot. We didn’t have cable, and we didn’t get very good reception, so I didn’t watch a lot of TV. I loved the radio, though. I didn’t even listen to things that were that good. I’d listen to this medical advice show, and people would call in and ask about things I didn’t know anything about, like bunions or goiters. I remember asking my dad what tennis elbow was when I was maybe ten, and he didn’t know either. I just listened, even if I didn’t really understand. Which is why, by the way, when I was in sixth grade, I wrote a story about a girl named Chlamydia. None of it meant anything to me, but every time there was a new person on the radio talking, it was like they could say anything. Anything could happen. There was a psychologist who would talk about grieving or divorce, which I thought was totally interesting but didn’t get. And I listened to a lot of news. All this public affairs stuff, local news. I liked hearing people talk.”
“And you still do,” he said.
“I never thought about it that way, but yes, I guess so. And I learn a lot. When…well, when I lived in California, I transcribed exam review sessions for this guy who was studying aging skin. I practically bathed in sunscreen for the next five years.”
“Well, your skin looks good to me.”
She squirmed, and then she frowned. “I’m normal, you know. I hope you’re not expecting that I’m secretly an actress or a surfer under here.”
“Evvie?”
“Yes.”
“I know who you are. I have for sure given some thought to what’s under there, but I do not wish you were an actress or a surfer.”
“Have you dated a normal person before?”
“You mean ever?” he said. “Yes. Of course. I have dated a good number of what I think you would consider ‘normal people.’ Google might not know about them, though. But you’re right that I’ve dated some women who are better known in the last few years.”
“Is there a rule that once you’re famous, you can only date people who are also famous?”
“There is not,” he said slowly. “It’s more like…once I was a public person, it got harder being around a lot of people